Creature of the dark

The Monstrous Memoirs of a Mighty McFearless
By Ahmet Zappa,
Puffin, £ 2.99

Ahmet Zappa’s debut novel, The Monstrous Memoirs of a Mighty McFearless, is a book meant for young readers and they are sure to love it. The entire design of the book, starting from the cover, to the sepia-tinted photographs and the colourful doodles in the margins, not to mention the pages introducing the various kinds of monsters along with defensive recipes to ward them off, is simply delightful. There are moths, beetles and all kinds of insects crawling over the pages. The hardback cover, which simulates a scaly green hide, comes with a dire warning to “STOP” before one starts exploring the pages filled with monsters which “stink, eat children, suck out brains, growl, steal and tell unfunny jokes”.

One would be mistaken to believe that in the manner of fairy-tales, these warnings actually mean nothing. For, the monsters in this book are really mean. A particularly vicious one called the Swoggler, whose “only food source is the memories and emotions found inside the brains of their victims”, does suck out the memories of Manfred McFearless. And the living book, Monstranomicon, does not allow anyone to read through her pages unless, as an initiation rite, she has delivered a nasty bite with her poisonous paper teeth on the hand of the inquisitive reader.

The brother and sister team of Minerva and Maxwell McFearless learns the tricks of “monstermination” in the toughest possible way. But they are also the privileged inheritors of special powers and the tools of this trade since their family has been performing the pious duty of keeping the world free of monsters for generations. It is in such a venture that the children’s father, Manfred McFearless, is captured and taken to Castle Doominstinkinfart by the dreaded Zarmaglorg, the king of evil. Though Minerva and Max had been forbidden by their father to dabble in monster-busting, they plunge headlong into the business when Manfred McFearless is taken prisoner. However, it is not that the fearless children do not like it. Minerva, the narrator, is only too glad to try her hands at thrashing monsters after having practised the art for years on her brother.

Minerva and Max are helped in their adventure by Mr Devilstone, a one-eyed coyote “wearing a top hat and holding a fancy wooden cane”. Mr Devilstone later turns out to be a reincarnation of Minerva’s great-great-great grandfather, Maximillius McFearless.The grand finale in Castle Doominstinkinfart takes place between this legendary Maximillius and Zarmaglorg. The story ends happily enough although a little suspense is kept alive as to how Manfred’s memories would be revived.

Everything in the book seems to be the product of the unbridled fantasies of a child who subsists on television programmes like Ghost Busters or Swat Kats. The innovativeness — in the book design and in the names and characteristics of the monsters — entertains. There is a monster called the Snargleflougsaurus,which is said to be “prone to hellacious forms to halitosis” and its diet includes “baby-duck bills, camel humps and human children”. It can be combated by consuming a Mudworm Moonbiscuit, the recipe of which includes, among other ingredients, a pair of human hands. Zappa is introduced on the back cover as having successfully completed nursery school. He certainly lives up to the expectations generated by his educational qualification.