They say that with our modern style of living in blocks of flats, a child never lacks for company. While this may be true, such instant companionship has often to be paid for in blood and tears, quite literally. I realised this when I recently dropped in to see Roma, the daughter of a friend of mine and the mother of a small child, to find her in a highly agitated state of mind. The reason was that two small ‘block mates’ had spent an hour with her son, Rohan, and in the course of this time had reduced his room to shambles and him to tears. His book had been pulled out and scribbled over with crayons. Pieces of Lego had been strewn all over, other toys had been trampled on, his precious kite had been torn, plasticene had been ground into the carpet and so on.

All of us may have our views on how to bring up our children, but I have come to the conclusion that the world is divided into two types of mothers ? those who go to enormous lengths to inculcate “good habits” and discipline in a child right from the start, and those who believe in letting their children grow without imposing a whole lot of rules and regulations on them. Roma obviously belongs to the first group, the group that subscribes to the view that children should eat and sleep early, put away their toys and clothes carefully and so on. Her neighbours, equally obvious, don’t believe that their children should be regimented.

Which way is right is something I have wondered about from the time when my own children were small. My attitude then was just like Roma’s while my sister-in-law took the opposite view. Unconcerned by such petty matters as broken ashtrays and dirty finger marks on sofa covers, she allowed her boy to run riot. When I had notice of her visits, I would hastily “child proof” the house, but when she dropped in unannounced, there was invariably a price to pay ? by me. By the end of the visit, I was usually a wreck, especially as my “well brought-up” children took great delight in emulating their cousins. My sister-in-law, however, stayed cool and unperturbed. “You shouldn’t keep stopping them from doing things,” she would say. “All that will happen is that they will grow up dull and inhibited.”

Her children and mine are now grown up and parents themselves. At the end of the day, there is not too much of a difference between them in terms of ability or creativity. But if it is a question of to each his own, I can’t help feeling that those who believe that they should rear their children in an unbridled way should do so exclusively in their own homes and not subject others to the ordeal of participating in their upbringing. I am sure Roma will agree with me.