We Indians are known both for our hospitality and our strong family ties, and there was a time when this combination was evident in a willingness to put up relatives, no matter how distant, when they were visiting. With the tentacles of extended family spread through the country, a remote uncle, aunt or a cousin could always be unearthed with whom to stay. It was taken for granted that such hospitality was a two-way street, and always reciprocal.
Inconvenience was never a consideration. I remember, as a child, spending vacations en famille with this or that relation, with no one thinking twice about it. Equally, in turn, whole families would descend on us. Families would squeeze into a room with the spill-over accommodated on the floor, and vast meals would be produced. Confusion and chaos would reign, but underlying it was a warm feeling of rightness. This was the classic Indian system at work, a cocktail made up of sentiment, family feeling, tradition and a whole host of other intangibles.
However, changing lifestyles and circumstances have altered the rules of the game. Today, space is at a premium, budgets are tight, servants are undependable and more women go out to work ? factors that have contributed to a change in our attitude towards expecting or providing hospitality. Now, going hand- in-hand with a reluctance to impose on distant relatives as a matter of right is an equal hesitation to put up guests unless a modicum of comfort, such as a separate bedroom and bathroom, can be assured.
Which is why I was rather taken aback by a friend who makes it a point to stay with an elderly aunt when he is in town. For one thing, as a senior executive in a multinational company, he is entitled to book into a five star hotel, with all expenses paid. For another, he knows that his aunt is very hard up, that she has just one old woman to help in the house, and that his stay causes considerable inconvenience, both to her and himself. Yet he will not consider doing anything else. Why, I wondered?
“To avoid hurting her feelings” he explained. “She belongs to a generation that believes that it is a slap in the face if kith and kin stay elsewhere. If I stay in a hotel, she will take it as a reflection on her hospitality. And I am too fond of her to upset her in any way.”
Confirmation of what he said came a few days before his next visit when I bumped into the aunt at a shop. “I’m stocking up for my nephew’s visit,” she said. “You know,” she added, glowing with pride, “ he always stays with me even though he is such a big shot.”
We might be proud of becoming modern, rational and pragmatic, but I wonder whether in the process we have lost something of the Indian ethos.
