I have always been rather put off by the American system of soon-to-be-weds opening a bridal registry in a shop. There seems to be something vaguely offensive about a couple going into a store, and having it compile a list of items, complete with prices, that they would like to receive as presents, from which guests can make a choice.

Typically, the list will cover items from the really inexpensive to the outrageously costly, so that friends can find something that suits their pockets. The store gift-wraps the present and delivers it at the right time and the right place. And since it is something that the bride and groom have personally chosen, the person giving the present knows that it will be appreciated.

What could be more sensible and convenient? Equally, what could be more presumptuous and indelicate? To inform friends of the registry that has been opened at a particular store seems tantamount to demanding a present. Equally tasteless, and perhaps embarrassing, is putting friends in the position of having to reveal the exact cost of their present. And isn’t there something rather cold-blooded about receiving or giving a gift into which no thought or feeling has gone?

Yet I am now beginning to think that there is some virtue to the American system. At our weddings, hundreds of people are invited and each arrives bearing a present. The bulk of these gifts are not what the bridal couple wants or likes. Many are duplicates. We got married, for instance, in the Year of the Lemonade Set, and we received no less than a dozen of these.

Others are gifts that have been received, rejected and recycled. Passing the Present is a game that a good many of us play ?indeed, I suspect that there are some gifts that are on a perpetual merry-go round, stopping on their journey every so often to be opened, inspected, repacked and passed on!

But worst of all is trying to find something suitable, and the closer the connection, the worse it is! If truth be told, this is what has prompted me to write this column today. For the last several weeks I have been racking my brains about what I can give as a wedding present to the daughter of a friend of whom I am very fond.

What I would like to give is something special, something that will reflect my affection for her, something lasting and permanent, something she needs, something she will see or use every day, and most important, something that she will really appreciate and not feel obliged to pass on. But every idea I have come up with seems to be inappropriate for one reason or another. How much easier it would be if I had a list to choose from!