There was a time when children?s birthday parties used to be uncomplicated affairs ? a cake with candles, generally made at home, cookies, colas and chips, some balloons and streamers, and a few games like Tail the Donkey. Occasionally, as a special treat, there would be a film show, a puppet show or a magic show. The ?back? presents were usually something small and inexpensive, and the highlight of the party would be a khoi bag, filled with sweets and plastic toys. The parties were simple and sweet, and everyone had a good time. The strain on the parents was minimal and the burden on their pockets was contained.

But somehow, birthday celebrations, even for five and six-year-olds, have undergone a sea change. They are now elaborate affairs, often theme parties with paid entertainers and decorators. The ?back? presents are no longer token gifts. I heard recently of a party for nine-year-olds where each of them was given a CD when she left! With such expensive going-home gifts being doled out, parents feel obliged to spend far more than they would like to, or can afford, on the presents to be given to the birthday child ? and a vicious circle is established. An air of competition seems to have entered the picture.

Inevitably, the more fancy parties children attend, the more they expect. They are unduly critical, but what is worst of all is that their criticism is often directed at those who cannot afford lavish parties. I know of at least one child who turned up her six-year-old nose at the party of a classmate. ?Can you believe it,? she said in disgust, ?There were no entertainers, no shows and not even enough sweets. And all they gave us to take home were some glass bangles!? This child?s mother had her work cut out trying to explain to her young daughter that not everybody could afford elaborate parties.

All parents would like their child?s birthday to be special. But keeping up with the Joneses has become a daunting, not to mention expensive, prospect. Many parents whom I have approached speak feelingly of the dilemma they now face. Drawn into a spiral of one-upmanship where children?s parties are concerned, they don?t know how to cope.

So why do parents continue to make children?s parties mega-budget events? To display their own wealth and largesse? Or to assuage, by throwing money around on one day of the year, the guilt they suffer because they don?t see the children as much as they would like to? Or because the advance of consumerism has affected even the young?

I confess that I don?t know. But I can?t help feeling that the old-fashioned, simple parties of yore, where children played games and won prizes, provided far more fun than today?s gala events.