Astonishingly, even today, many parents believe in bringing up their daughters in the security of a gilded cage, insulated from the realities of life. They believe they are protecting their wards but their actions can boomerang and put them at a disadvantage that is sometimes well nigh impossible to surmount.
This is true of Vatsala, the daughter of some friends. Vatsala?s mother believed in sheltering her daughter from all risks and dangers, real or imagined. Vatsala was never allowed to go out alone. She was driven to and from school in a car, but as the driver was a man, a woman servant chaperoned her. As a teenager, she was not permitted to go to a movie or lunch with friends unless an older member of the family could also go along. Embarrassed to be the only girl in this situation, she elected never to join in. The clothes she wore were bought for her, the books she read were fetched for her from the library, the letters she wrote were posted for her by a servant. Briefly, Vatsala, a much-beloved daughter, was never allowed to lift her little finger to do a thing for herself.
By the time Vatsala was 18, she had grown into a lovely girl, gentle, soft-spoken and charming. She was sent to a women?s college, and as expected, married to an eligible bachelor chosen by her parents. Everything went according to plan, and perhaps all would have been well if she had continued to live close to her mother. But Rajen, the young man she married, lived and worked in London, and this is where he took his bride.
Vatsala was terrified of London from the word go. Rajen?s job required him to travel frequently, and Vatsala was left to her own devices. Just the thought of using buses and tubes terrified her. Even walking down the street to the local grocer was more than she could cope with, let alone a bank or post office. She now had to learn to cook, shop, pay telephone, gas and electricity bills, and generally manage the household on her own. Lonely and miserable, her self-esteem took a beating.
Rajen, who had spent years in England and seen how independent women were, was aghast at the helplessness of his wife. His initial sympathy was soon replaced by irritation. Gradually, relations between the two soured. And when he was asked by his firm to go to the US for six months, he decided to send Vatsala back to her parents in India. Whether this separation is permanent or temporary remains to be seen.
Vatsala?s case is an extreme example of the damage parents can do through a misguided love for their children. By sheltering her to the extent they did, they robbed her of the mental equipment she needed to cope with the challenges of life. We all feel the need to protect our children. Yet, it is well to remember that when we overdo it, our very efforts to ensure their safety and happiness can be counter-productive.
