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| PROBLEM |
| My husband has no table manners. To top it all, he is a glutton. Whenever we go over to a friend’s or relative’s place, he doesn’t stop eating. He makes a royal mess on the table. It has become so embarrassing I am starting to dread being invited to social functions. I have tried broaching the subject but he is very touchy. What do I do now? |
| Name and address withheld |
| You are his wife and you have the right to make him understand that he is actually messing up his own image. Trust me, nobody can do this better than you. So keep trying. |
| Pampa Saha, |
| Agartala , Tripura |
| Please be patient with your husband. Find out what makes him eat so much at a friend or relative’s place. Generally people overeat outside because they don’t get the food of their choice at home. Does he have have any work-related tension? Make him understand that if he eats too much he might fall sick or become overweight. |
| Sweta Bohra, |
| Alipore Road, Calcutta |
| There must be a psychological reason behind his abnormal eating habits. Consult a psychiatrist about this and I am sure he will be able to tell you the right way of dealing with him, as your method of correction will only hurt his sentiments and lead to resentment. For the time being, before going out visiting friends or family, you can make him eat till he is absolutely full, so that he has no appetite left! |
| Nina Talukdar |
| Golpark, Calcutta |
| Why are you embarrassed? Your husband can eat a lot, and probably digest it too. Eating plenty of food is in your husband’s nature and you should not try to tame it with artificial table manners. You can just put a dish on the table on which he can keep the leftovers, etc. |
| Biswanath Pakrashi |
| Serampore, Hooghly |
| Flouting table manners may be a form of rebellion against the civilised world’s efforts to rob us of the enjoyment of savouring good food. It is your problem if you do not like him eating like that. Still if you don’t like it, tell him in a way that he can accept. Do not be harsh. |
| Sekhar Basu Mallik, |
| B. B. Chatterji Road, Calcutta |
| Buy him a few books on diet. Encourage him to watch programmes on a balanced diet. Instead of chastising him for his poor table manners, make him aware of the health hazards of excessive eating. I am sure he will listen. |
| Namrata Paul, |
| Bokra, Guwahati |
| It is entirely upto you to change him, and you should do it so that others don’t make fun of him. I would suggest that you don’t confront him directly; that might make him hostile which is usually the case with sensitive people. Instead, take a picture of him eating in a social gathering. Show it to him later. May be he will realise then what a mess he makes at other people’s places. And what an embarrassment that can be. At home, use colourful table spreads and fine crockery on the dining table. I am sure he won’t mess up the decorated table. |
| Debanjana Chatterjee, |
| Jadavpur University, Calcutta |
| It seems you have a ‘programmed’ attitude towards life. And it’s you who needs to change, not your husband. He is enjoying life without a care for what others think of him. Let him be like that. |
| Biplab Sarkar, |
| 24 parganas (N), West Bengal |
| He lacks discipline in life. But don’t get worked up. Why don’t you involve him in some physical activity, like yoga classes? This will bring a sense of decorum and discipline in him. |
| Supratim Nandan, |
| Ashoknagar, West Bengal |
| If your husband is young or middle-aged, then there’s still hope for you. If he is old, then just drop the idea of changing his table manners. Keep him well fed, so that he does not overeat anywhere outside. |
| Ashok Kumar ghosh, |
| C.I.T. road, Calcutta |
| If he is being messy, you should be messy too. Spill water, stain the table cloth, let the plates clatter. In short, let him get irritated with your clumsiness. Once you have done that, you will know that he has got the message. |
| Robina Bose, |
| Asansol |
| You should take your family doctor into confidence. Let him explain to your husband why he should control his eating. At the same time, give him some good food at home so that he doesn’t overeat outside. |
| Debabrata Datta, |
| Majdia, Nadia |
| You are indeed lucky. I love cooking but my husband has the appetite of a grasshopper. If I serve him 20 pakoras, he will just take one! I get quite exasperated with him. I would love to have a glutton for my husband. Are you interested in exchanging mine with yours? |
| Sarmila Das, |
| Kasba, Calcutta |
| expert eye |
| Kalpana Basu Mazumder, Consultant Psychotherapist |
| Your husband’s eating habits seem to be hurting your sense of decorum. Hence, you are feeling embarrassed and anxious about losing your image in your social circle. From the psychoanalytical perspective, food represents associations with the mother. Through eating, your husband seeks the comfort one looks for in a mother figure. In addition, he suffers from the inability to control his impulses. In this situation, you have to get over your feeling of embarrassment and anxiety. You have to help him out first. Remember, your annoyance can only aggravate the problem. Take to him to a counsellor. Reduce your social commitments to the minimum so that embarrassing situations can be avoided. |
| Next month's Response question |
| Iam a 32-years-old married working woman. My husband works in a chartered accountancy firm. We both earn quite well. My husband has an irritating habit. Towards the end of almost every month, he borrows money from me. He keeps saying that he will repay it the moment he gets his next month’s salary. However, he never keeps his word. And I am too embarrassed to bring up the topic but I also need the money. What should I do? Name and address withheld |
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Thursday, 26 June 2025
