Wedded woes: A still from Chalte Chalte, which dealt with problems that kick in after marriage

They could have posed for one of those Made-For-Each-Other ads. But their stony countenances as they stood in the stuffy courtroom — side by side but studiedly ignoring each other — mouthing ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the volley of questions coming their way from the judge, made it clear that appearances can be seriously deceptive. It had taken them only seven short days to decide that they wanted to put an end to their marriage.

Welcome to the new reality of urban India. Divorce rates have reached an all-time high. Alarming statistics are pouring in: in Mumbai, the number of such cases has doubled between 1995 and 2002; in West Bengal, it was nearly 5,000 at the beginning of this year; in Kerala (the state with the highest rate of divorce) six couples on an average file every day for divorce. Speculations are running rife. Men are pillorying ‘today’s liberated women’; women are blaming men for not keeping up with them; sociologists are pointing to stressful urban lifestyles; economists are talking about the ‘money factor’ between men and women; while lawyers are putting it all on ‘clash of egos’ in the now-generation. More interestingly, however, organisations are coming forward to stem the tide of husbands and wives parting ways. If there was a time when family elders played agony aunt, that role is now being taken over by organisations floating courses to give young men and women the lowdown on what marriage is all about.

And Mumbai, the city with the maximum number of single women in India, takes the lead in such pre-marital training courses. Just a few weeks back, an organisation (a finishing school really) kicked off such a course. Says Ajay Munot, CEO of The English Personality in west Andheri, “We came up with this idea of starting a pre-marriage training school to help young couples see beyond the rose-tinted image of marriage. Marriage is not merely moonlight and roses and they need to have a grip over the practical problems as well.”

The school started its course after conducting a survey carried over the last three years and sampling over 200 couples. The results revealed that most marriages break down due to unrealistic expectations from spouses and faulty perceptions of the institution. The survey threw up that a mere 15 to 20 per cent of the couples interviewed were actually ‘happy’ on the marital front. Most others were just dragging on with the relationship, while a few others were hovering around the border of divorce. The training school, which has just launched a website (www.totalmarriagesolutions.com) then started developing modules to train the youth on handling the nuptial knot.

It is broken into four sessions, deals with sexuality, the legal aspects of marriage, preparing for a marriage and interaction between the two families to break the ice. The entire training course has a scientific orientation on marriage and involves interaction with doctors, lawyers, social scientists, psychologists and counsellors. It also offers the traditional old wives’ advice and looks into the various conflict areas in a marriage. “The entire idea is to prevent wrongly-matched alliances and demystify marriage as an institution,” explains Munot. The training cost (ranging between Rs 1,000 to Rs 11,000) aims at catering to a large variety of clientele.

Two other Mumbai-based organisations working along similar lines are Samanvay (an NGO) and Heart To Heart (a counselling centre). Dr Rajan Bhonsle, head of Heart To Heart, agrees that such courses are “totally new”. “It’s a bit like immunisation,” he laughs. Shivangi Kaul, a college student who went through the Samanvay course says, “A lot of introspection goes on here. The lectures made me think. Not about what I wanted out of a marriage, but about what kind of a wife I will make.”

“The younger generation is a very rational lot and open to new ideas like this,” says Jai Vaidya, an advocate with the Mumbai family court. Participants agree. Dr Mansi Siddique, a physiotherapist exclaims: “My mother suggested that I should go to Samanvay when she saw the ad in the newspaper. And I must say that it helped me a lot. It brought to light the little things that are involved in a marriage. I’m hopeful that it’ll help me to choose the right life-partner.” Software engineer, Pankaj Srivastava, smiles shyly. “I enjoyed the course a lot,” he says.

A question mark, however, continues to hang in the air. Will the new-fangled course check the soaring divorce rates? Time will tell surely. In the meantime, while young people continue to throng the counselling classes, one can only give them the thumbs up.