When Ramu decided to turn down a job that was offered to him, his parents were appalled. The assignment was a fantastic one, involving a promotion, a huge pay hike, and the opportunity to do an important job. It was a brilliant career move, and one that would have put him in orbit. How, his parents despaired, could he have refused such a chance? Yet he did. The reason? The family would have to move to Hong Kong. And Ramu felt that the success, recognition and satisfaction that came with the job did not justify the uprooting of his children again.
Till five years earlier, Ramu and his family had led a peripatetic existence, his job taking him to four different continents in as many years. While he and his wife took these moves in their stride, and even derived some enjoyment from being exposed to different countries and cultures, it had been very hard on their children. Their son and daughter, now aged 14 and 12 years, had changed schools virtually every year for the first few years of their lives, and it was only in the last few transfer-less years that they had had the chance to settle down.
It is said that moving to a new town, or community, is one of the most stress-producing experiences a family can face. When such moves are frequent, and involve different countries and continents, it is even harder, particularly on the children. Adjusting to new systems of education, new languages and different curricula is only a part of it.
What is far harder to cope with is the interruption of friendships. At each school, a new child is faced with being an outsider, the only one who does not seem to have a best friend, or enjoy the security of being a member of a close-knit group. Every time Ramu’s children began to make friends, it was time to move again. Though nothing is more important in one’s growing up years than making friends and sharing secrets and speaking the same ‘language’, this, till the last move, had been denied to Ramu’s children. Now at last, they had had a chance to make friends, build relationships and be a part of their peer groups ? and they had visibly flourished. Rather than disturb this, Ramu decided to turn down the job.
It is always difficult to make a choice between family and career. Ramu’s parents are convinced that he is making a mistake. They see his reasons as frivolous. Children, they feel, will always adjust. What is far more important is that he should make the most of the career opportunities that come his way. However, Ramu believes that by ensuring the children’s happiness and security, the family will reap greater dividends. Only time will tell who is right.
