No one knows what really happened between Justice Desai and Salome Isaacs at that 3 am rendezvous during the recently concluded World Social Forum.

This much can be ascertained: Judge Desai and Salome Isaacs, an AIDS activist, were among a group of people who were relaxing with a few drinks around 1 am. The two met in his room at 3 am, ostensibly to discuss the next day’s schedule. Isaacs claimed the next day that the judge had raped her. A few days later, she reversed her stand, dropping all charges and leaving a string of unanswerable questions behind her. Was the judge set up by Isaacs’ husband, Mark? Did he misinterpret Isaacs’ late-night visit to his room? Did she coldbloodedly set out to trap, perhaps even blackmail, him? Or was this just consensual sex gone badly wrong?

Only Desai and Isaacs know where the truth lies. But what’s emerging is that this case is a litmus test for people’s reactions to specific issues: attraction, adultery, rape, injustice. A whole series of myths is being overturned or questioned. Here’s a brief look at them:

The only victim when charges of rape are traded is the woman: Not true. If Salome Isaacs’ original story is true, the judge deserves more punishment than the five days he spent in a Mumbai lock-up. But if it’s false, and he was in a situation of mutual consent between two adults, then what he’s suffered is unconscionable. A question mark hangs over his career and his character, and the most personal details of his life are tabloid fodder. If he’s innocent, imagine what he must have felt like, sitting in a jail cell, accused of a crime he did not commit.

She asked him to use a condom. Therefore, she’s a loose woman: This attitude — fairly widespread — is not just rubbish, it’s uninformed rubbish. Isaacs is an AIDS activist, well aware of the dangers that attend unprotected sex; of all people, I would expect her to carry a condom. But anyone who thinks about it would fear the effects of a rape as much as the actual rape. You could get pregnant; pick up HIV or other viruses; be exposed to STDs. In a situation where a woman knows that she cannot stop a rape, it makes sense to ask the rapist if he would wear a condom. This is not consent to the act of rape, by any means; it’s an acceptance that the act will be committed regardless, and is a measure of defence against worse consequences.

Any kind of contact beyond the purely official from a woman means she wants to sleep with you: No, it doesn’t. A woman might want to chat about work, might want to share tea or a beer instead of drinking in a solitary corner. None of this means that she necessarily wants the relationship to go further. This one cuts both ways: not all men who ask you to join them over a coffee want to sleep with you — it’s possible they just want some company with their Starbucks. We’re only human, and not all our needs have to do with getting members of the opposite sex into bed.

If the woman says no, at any point at all, no matter in what circumstances, the man’s to blame if he continues: Any civilised man should have enough self-control to stop, rather than force himself on an unwilling partner. Having said that, it is also the responsibility of the woman not to place too great a burden on the other party. If you’re responsible adults, you’re both responsible for your actions. It is only civilised not to strain someone else’s self-control to the limit.