An elderly aunt of mine used to insist that the most difficult and treacherous period of marriage was the first five years. Her belief was that if a marriage survived this period, it would last. Her philosophy was that the first year, even with Cupid hovering around, was the most trying. By the second year, the irritations and adjustments that needed to be made gradually lessened but it was only by the fifth year that husband and wife learned to avoid stepping on each other’s toes and to see beyond each other’s foibles.

Her theory seemed to be trite and simplistic, and was a source of great amusement to us. Yet, there was wisdom in her words. What she meant, I suspect, is that starry-eyed romance is not enough to see a marriage through. A successful marriage means hard work, with an edifice of understanding having to be erected, slowly and painfully, and brick by brick, over a long time.

This lady, now dead and gone, lived in the days before divorce was an easy solution to marital problems. Nevertheless, I have a feeling that she would have condoned the break-up of a marriage in the early years. But what would she have said to couples divorcing after 20 years or more, when the edifice of marriage should have been strong and stable enough to withstand any buffeting?

Yet, though still not a significant number, one hears increasingly of couples deciding to divorce after spending years and years apparently living happily together. What causes such divorces? Do couples suddenly find that they cannot live together any more? Or does one of them get involved with someone else? Or is it that they wait patiently till their children are grown up and settled before admitting that their marriage has been a failure? Or is it that women, now going out to work, become economically independent of their husbands and see no reason to continue an existence that they do not enjoy?

It could be any one of these reasons. I remember the husband of a friend of mine who became quite paranoid that life must change at 45, the age he was approaching. He spoke of changing jobs, changing homes, changing lifestyles. But on his 45th birthday, what he changed was his wife! After 20 years of marriage he walked out on her to marry a girl half his age. Struggling at this age to bring up a new family, he had a hard time. But he was able to prove to himself that he had lost neither virility nor attractiveness to advancing years.

So, could the break-up of a long-standing marriage be due to a feeling of insecurity that stems from the fear that age must take its toll? Do both men and women seek reassurance that their charms have not entirely faded, that where their spouses no longer notice their allure, they may as well call it a day?