If you come within the first three in your class exams,?said a mother to her daughter, ?I?ll buy you those shoes you have been wanting.?

Has the teenager been offered a bribe? Or an incentive? The older generation would definitely call it a bribe, and disapprove of the offer. After all, they would say, the girl is supposed to do her best, so why should she be given anything for doing so? The younger generation, however, would disagree ? and so, it would appear, do modern-day psychologists! There is nothing wrong with giving a child a push in the right direction, they assert, since incentives help kids to learn to behave and do well.

So, should we or should we not? It?s the good old bribery dilemma! What we are now told is that there are bribes and bribes, and the secret to acceptable bribing is to distinguish between good bribes and bad bribes. As long as parents can make out the difference, there is no need for them to beat themselves up for offering their children bribes. But can they?

What, for instance, is a good bribe? The offer of shoes to come within the first three in class constitutes a good bribe, as it provides an incentive. And what is a bad bribe? It is something like the case of a small child going with you to the shops? He wants a slab of chocolate, and when he does not get it, he starts screaming. Rather than face the embarrassment of a bawling child, you give in. The message the child receives is quite clear. If he screams, he will get what he wants. And you can be quite sure that he will put this into action the next time he goes shopping with you, proof, if you need it, of a bad bribe!

Nevertheless, the line between a good bribe and a bad one is a very fine one indeed and often is well nigh indistinguishable. Indeed, there are occasions when parents might even find it difficult to identify something as a bribe in the first place! Take the case of parents loading their children with presents. With both father and mother working long hours, they are often on a guilt trip about neglecting their children. Though they try to make up for their long absences by spending ?quality time? with their children, they also salve their consciences by giving them lavish presents. Are these bribes? And do they fall into the good or bad category?

I confess that I do not know. Perhaps it is best to play safe and avoid all bribes, both good and bad! In any case, being rather old-fashioned, I feel a vague reluctance to admitting that any kind of bribe can be good. Surely praise and encouragement are a better option? And if one feels the need to show more tangible appreciation, wouldn?t it be better to give a reward for a job well done rather than offer a reward if a job is well done. Or is this just a case of splitting hairs?