May I know your "good name" please? How often have you heard that phrase in India? Normally, it is without the "please". The bucolic lad from Ladwa - who has been taught to say "good" to your "How do you do?" instead of echoing "How do you do?" - has an extensive vocabulary of other four-letter words that he would rather use.
"Good name" belongs to the same club as "prepone", "kindly revert" and "do the needful". It is simply a direct translation of the Hindi " Aap ka shubh naam kya hai?" Or the bhalo naam in Bengali. It is, indeed, a "good" name, if one looks at the pet-name alternatives.
When it comes to nicknames, Bengalis merit special attention. Here's part of a post on Mouthshut.com:
"Nicknames must have no connection to the real name. Orunabho cannot be called Orun. No, for that would be logical, and such things are anathema in the world of Bengali women. Instead, he shall be called Bhombol (stupid).
"Nicknames must be humiliating. If you are a tall strapping boy, with a flair for soccer, an easy charm and an endearing personality, then you shall be nicknamed Khoka (kiddo). And every time, you have set your sights on a girl, and are on the verge of having the aforementioned lass eat out of your hand, your mother will arrive and pronounce loudly "Khokon, chalo". The ensuing sea of giggles will drown out whatever confidence you had earned from that last winning free-kick."
Does your nickname follow you in your job? Not unless you join your father's company. In which case you will find long-serving drivers calling you Burobabu or Hedobabu. Buro has died along with the joint family (where your grandmother used to call you Buro - old man - as an embodiment of her dead husband). As William Wordsworth might have said: "The grandchild is father of the man." Today, reincarnation no longer runs in the family; the Buros have become Bhombols. But even the most loyal retainer would think twice over Bhombolbabu.
Back to the job: which are the commonest names in Corporate India (see box)? "The list of most common surnames of Indian board directors (includes) the Guptas, Jains, Agarwals, Shahs, Singhs and Patels - communities that have traditionally dominated Indian business," says Corporate Dossier. The analysis is based on a survey by Prime Database.
LORDS OF THE BOARD
The most common surnames on Indian corporate boards
Gupta 279
Jain 248
Agarwal* 204
Shah 198
Singh 195
Mehta 145
Patel 127
Sharma 125
Kumar 112
Rao 98
*Including spelling variants
Source: Prime Database
First names are, of course, irrelevant in this context. But, for the record, Babycenter has come out with a list of baby-naming trends of 2015. They include:
"Parents love names starting with the first letter of the alphabet. Both the top baby boy and baby girl name of 2015 start with A - Aarav and Aadya. In fact, five names in the top 10 for both boys and girls begin with the letter A.
"A trend we are seeing this year is a favourite name being spelt in different ways. For example, the name Reyansh, which is the second most popular baby boy name this year, also has the spellings Reeyansh, Reyaansh, Riyansh and Riansh. Similarly, the name Amaira, which is at the fourth spot in our top baby girl names this year, is also spelt as Amyra, Amyrah, Amayrah and Amayra (not to mention Almirah - a cupboard of love and nappies).
"Names that can be used for both boys and girls are also becoming popular. Some examples are Arya, Sai, Deva and Sonu. Choosing a unisex name is a great way to give a modern and unique twist to your baby's name." How does a Sai-baby sound?
Meanwhile, an article in The Guardian titled Goodbye, Mr Chips says: "Tens of thousands of surnames in the UK have disappeared over past century, with others at risk... William was the 374th most common surname in 1901, but has fallen to 12,500."
It will happen very soon to the Kolkata Ramaswamys and the Navi Mumbai Nishas - and others who wear their place of birth on their sleeves.
