How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? If you are the anchor of a TV news channel featuring a stand-up comedian, the answer is as plain as his ego. “We just report the facts; we don't change them."
How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to report it as an inspired government programme to bring light to the people; one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness; and one to win a Press Club award for reporting that the power distributor has already done the job. With no power supply, he has chosen from his stock of Amaryllis, Crinum and Narcissus. The only problem: garlic chicken and onion fry are off the canteen menu.
Those who object to lightless loos (and the bidet also needs power) should go to a recruitment site and hire the services of a “Wizard of Light Bulb Moments”.
If you are under the impression that such people are found only in the company of Harry Potter, you need to think again.
At last count, professional network LinkedIn had 13 such warlocks on its books. These wizards are among a variety of weird designations like Chief Instigation Officer and Founder, Chief Creative, Inspiration and Elation Officer that companies boast of.
“The digital industry has thrived being the new kid on the block and shedding legacy ways of doing business,” says media technologist Josh Dreller. “In the early days of digital, the traditional teams joked that you could tell who the digital guy was in the room by who was wearing jeans and had facial jewellery. This trailblazer attitude has certainly extended to the job title forum — would "guru" be acceptable in any other industry?”
Chris Forman of Appcast, which bills itself as a provider of “recruitment advertising that finally works”, has a different take on designations. “Appcast’s analysis shows a hotspot for titles containing 50-60 characters,” he says. “Titles of this length outperform other titles by 30 to 40 per cent. However, the overall data is murky. Very short job titles (less than 30 characters) and very long titles (80 characters or more) do not suffer the sharp click-to-apply drop off experienced by non-optimal job descriptions. So, while opportunities exist to optimise the length of job titles, clear and descriptive title content may have greater influence on a candidate’s decision to apply.”
Weird titles are not the fiefdom of new generation industries alone. UK recruitment agency Coburg Banks offers this selection: Chick Sexer — someone who determines the sex of chickens; Animal Colourist — this person dyes animals for movies and marketing campaigns; Twisted Brother — balloon artist; and Oyster Floater — someone who floats oysters in water until they are free of impurities. Coburg has a collection of 50 such titles, some — like Master Handshaker, Hyphenated-specialist and Actions & Repercussions Adviser — the company itself has problems coming to grips with.
Google too has weird titles, but they are more descriptive than zany. Dance Program Manager, Intergalactic Federation King Almighty and Commander of the Universe, and Jolly Good Fellow are all on the menu. (In case you were wondering about the Intergalactic Federation King Almighty, it’s the manager of Google's space initiatives.) There is no Santa Claus, but Google has a Santa Tracker which uses Google Maps and shows Father Christmas’ progress around the world.
How many Google Almighty Commanders does it take to change a light bulb? 10,001; 10,000 to search for it — about 11,20,00,000 results (0.38 seconds) — and one to say, “Let there be light”.
HERD ON THE STREET
Real titles pulled from the profiles of marketing industry professionals found on LinkedIn
• Digital Marketing Magician
• Wizard of Light Bulb Moments
• Marketing Ninja
• Brand Warrior
• Senior Road Warrior Marketing Intern
• The Social Media Badass
• Digital Overlord
• Direct Mail Demi-God
• Mobile Sensei (and Planner)
• Chief Visionary Officer
• Chief Marketing Guru
• Chief Thought Provoker
• Chief Thinker
• Founder, Chief Creative, Inspiration and Elation Officer
• Chief Instigation Officer
• Chief People Herder
• Director of Fundom
Source: iMedia
