Your first day at work in a new job as HR manager. Suddenly, your boss turns to you and says: “Meet BKC over the VRS plan. Ensure that the PF component is enhanced and given the right spin. We don’t want any internal roadkills.”

Huh? That went right over your head. For a moment you wonder whether you will be the first ‘internal roadkill’. Luckily, you have a secretary to interpret for you. It doesn’t take long to pick up the lingo of the company. That adds to your armoury, already well-equipped with your knowledge of the jargon of the profession. And it is vital information, essential for survival in the corporate jungle.

“Every company and industry has its own jargon,” says Susan Fenner, of the International Association of Administrative Professionals. She says you must make an effort to master it even at the job interview stage. “Make sure that you are familiar with phrases and terms in the industry. Get their vocabulary down pat.” Adds Joan Lloyd, founder of Joan Lloyd Associates: “Jargon and business-speak can be a creative way to talk about what goes on at work.”

That’s the plus side. Corporate communication shorthand also creates an elite club ? a contemporary freemasonry ? in which the members have respect (or, at least, tolerance) for each other. “It builds up team spirit,” says Mumbai-based HR consultant D. Singh. “You save a lot of time and energy when you are working together.”

The problem comes when you have to interface with people outside the company. These days, cross-functional and cross-company training programmes are becoming common. If you hide behind your own company’s or industry’s shorthand, you won’t get anywhere.

Jim Verdonik, who practises corporate and securities law, gives an example of how the language can get esoteric. This is how he describes a venture capital investment deal: “$200,000 10 per cent bridge loan with 25 per cent warrant coverage. Twenty per cent of the company on a fully diluted basis for $2 million. $8 million pre-money valuation and $10 million post-money. Redeemable participating preferred stock with 5 per cent cumulative dividend. Convertible into common stock. Qualified IPO triggers mandatory conversion. Weighted average price antidilution protection with 15 per cent option pool.” What was that again, you may well ask. But I am sure you don’t want it repeated.

While there are both positives and negatives to corporate shorthand, HR professionals are unanimous that anybody with a job that involves interacting with people outside the company can’t afford that luxury. In today’s world, where every employee is a brand ambassador, it means practically the entire staff.

The other issue one needs to consider is the purpose of this shorthand. Many incompetent managers like to hide behind jargon. This is particularly true of public sector organisations and large corporations. Here is an extract from a Bank of Scotland letter to widows: “We hereby give you notice that Bank of Scotland have retrocessed, reponed and restored Executors and Assignees, in and to their own right and place in the undernoted policy of Assurance by our Office, videlicet....” Is that what they call widow dressing?

The Internet age has given rise to its own shorthand and jargon. People don’t waste time at work any more. They emailinger. The best way to deal with this entreprenerd-speak is to flush it down the dotcommode (“The toilet down which billions of dollars of dotcom stockmarket valuation disappeared”). Or just suffer from Internesia (“The growing tendency to forget exactly where in cyberspace you saw a particular bit of information.”)

THE NEW JARGON

The gobbledygook of headhunters

Lift-out: When an entire team of employees is recruited from a competitor at once.

On-boarding: To hold frequent follow-up meetings with a recent hire to ensure that he or she is happy in the new position.

Peel: To dig through a company’s website in search of its staff roster.

Peel back the onion: To learn more about a candidate by conducting several lengthy, in-depth interviews and asking a battery of pointed questions.

Poach: To use aggressive and questionable tactics to lure away a rival’s top talent.

Ruse: To call a competitor’s office and misrepresent yourself, play dumb, or work the receptionist until you’re connected with a job prospect.

Source: Adapted from Jargon from the Jungle, Inc. magazine