I am a 27-year-old man in love with a girl who belongs to a different caste. Her parents are opposed to our relationship because they are followers of a spiritual guru who believes that couples should choose their partners keeping family traditions, age and varna in mind. How do I convince her parents?

Sandip, Calcutta

Spiritual guru. The ones I know either teach you how to breathe or how to practice Yoga and most of them love women who are unhappily married and/or divorced so why should they have a problem with castes? My suggestion is become a marketing consultant free of cost to this guru and see how he warms up to you. But there is a bigger danger here. Try and find a girl whose family is normal and not connected to any of these guru types. They are frauds and will always interfere in your goddamn life.

I am a 22-year-old man from Ranchi. I am in search of a girlfriend. I have tried various means but haven’t managed to find a girl for myself. What should I do?

Joy Das, via e-mail

For starters, leave Ranchi. I have never heard of anyone with girlfriends from Ranchi except for Dhoni and he too got lucky when he started playing that silly little game. My guess is perhaps a change in venue may help you loads and this is precisely what you should look at. Try Delhi or even Meerut and if all else fails look to Assam. India’s finest looking girls and superb human beings are only in the Northeast, my young man.

I am a 17-year-old boy, addicted to surfing porn sites. This is affecting my studies. Please help.

Name and address withheld

Studies? Why let studies come in the way? Just start watching more such films and who knows you might be on the way to becoming India’s Hugh Hefner. Watching porn is better than watching some silly saas-bahu serial. At least in porn films, you’ll get thinner and better looking people, so my advice is keep at it. Obviously you haven’t heard of normal cinema so who am I to change your world-view of the world of celluloid?       

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park, Calcutta 700025
Ph: 24191174
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
For free help on alcoholism
Contact: Volunteers on line
Timings: 2.00 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free, anonymous and confidential tele helpline service giving emotional support for people who are depressed, distressed or suicidal.
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Monday through Saturdays

Society for positive atmosphere & related support to hiv/aids (sparsha)

AE-36, Rabindra Pally,
P.O.: Prafulla Kanan
Calcutta — 700 101
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529 9856.
Tele-counselling and face-to-face counselling on issues concerning relationships, sex education and free and confidential testing, counselling and information on HIV & AIDS
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Fridays

Kornash (The lifestyle management school)

139B Rashbehari Avenue,
Calcutta — 700 029
Ph: 9830149919
Interactive sessions on personality enhancement, stress reduction, lifestyle management, behavioural modification for children, marital counselling and psychotherapy
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.,
Mondays through Saturdays