My boyfriend and I have just passed our Class 12 exams and are preparing for our college entrance tests. I’ve always been a good student and my parents want me to marry a well-established man. So my boyfriend is trying to crack the exams. But if he cannot, I will not be able to choose between my family and him. Please help.

Name and address withheld

How the hell can I help? Neither am I your lover, nor your dad. If that dolt doesn’t do well he might end up as a TV anchor or join the AAP, so your family is rightly worried. Listen darling: you have just finished your Class 12 exams. There’s a whole goddamn life ahead for you to romance and have sex, so why on earth are you in such a hurry? Give it time.

I am a 17-year-old boy and fell in love with a girl six months ago. I had asked her indirectly whether we could be in a relationship but she wasn’t interested. So I tried to move on and even deleted her contact from all social media. But I just cannot get her out of my mind. Please help.

Name and address withheld

Listen son this is a serious column. I also have a country to run. Don’t waste my time with silly questions: it is clear that you still want to hang onto the last shreds of that relationship and it is also clear that the woman wants to have nothing to do with you. So be a gentleman and just walk away. There’s plenty in the bush son.