Dear Mr Jaitley,

Since the censor board chief, also called motor mouth by some of his colleagues who I think are plain jealous of his oratory skills, has said that anybody who had a problem with his outpourings should contact the I&B Ministry, I'm addressing this to you, Honorable Minister for Information & Broadcasting.

Although my friend of many decades, Pahlaj Nihalani likes to shoot his mouth off (preferably when a camera is on), level charges at his predecessors and colleagues (to the same preferred audience) and announce a list of cuss words that he won't allow anymore, I really don't have much to complain about. Not even about his fulminating against double-meaning dialogues. Except to wonder why a producer in whose film Andaz Juhi Chawla had a good cry because she was a decent girl who was forced to lip sync to naughty lyrics like Main maal gaadi, tu dhakka laga, had turned puritanical overnight. Oh, didn't his film also have the controversial Khada hai, khada hai number?

So I spoke to Suresh Oberoi who'd once been tipped for Pahlaj's post, to see if he had any complaints about the man who now occupied the coveted chair. Suresh was perched at Mount Abu, immersed in his work for the Brahmakumaris, and hadn't read a newspaper or watched TV for days. Suresh too subscribes to the same political ideology which has stepped off a path of progress and development to move backwards to police your morals and mine. And teach us a thing or two about our "culture".

Unlike the whisper that Suresh Oberoi had aspired for the censor post but was bypassed, I learnt that he had indeed been handpicked and named at an executive meet of the Bharatiya Janata Party in Goa. However, Suresh himself had politely turned it down a few months ago. "It's not my cup of tea," explained the baritone who had stood up to Amitabh's famous one in films like Laawaris, Aaj Ka Arjun and Coolie. "Where's the time? I'm far too involved in my spiritual work today to get involved with a job that isn't creative. Where's the creativity in being the censor board chief?" he wondered. "And why take on a responsibility of that magnitude at this age? Let me enjoy the money I've earned in my life."

Along with his lovely wife Yashi, spirituality has become his pursuit and Suresh may be seen more on Aastha today than on a movie channel. In fact, he outlined what he had done while Pahlaj had been on prime time TV. "I've been shooting in a jungle near Hyderabad for 15 days for our Brahmakumari awakening," he said. From there he took a break for precisely one day to attend Amit Shah's son's wedding reception in Delhi where you must've met him, Mr Jaitley. And thence he flew straight back to Ahmedabad to be with the Brahmakumari movement again.

Therefore, Suresh didn't have a clue what the present Censor chief had to say. When I briefed him, the baritone from Mt Abu wondered, "Being a part of the industry, why talk of others? Why talk in the first place? Work, don't talk."

Another former censor board chairperson said the same thing to me. She said, "Why is Pahlaj talking so much? He should consult his board members and quietly carry out the guidelines. Why talk? Work quietly."

I wonder if you agree with that view, Mr Jaitley.

Meanwhile, apart from cuss words and double meaning dialogues (not to be confused with double standards, I guess), what's the new dispensation's take on kissing scenes which are de rigueur in Hindi cinema today? I recently saw Sriram Raghavan's stylish crime thriller Badlapur in which Divya Dutta kisses a much-younger Varun Dhawan. Her first screen kiss, I presumed, until she revealed that she was a sophomore at it. Her first screen kiss, I believe, was in Hisss with Irrfan Khan. And that was the mother of all passionate smooches, a full-fledged heavy-duty one.

We haven't heard the new censor boss pontificate on kissing. Do Indians kiss? If the answer is no, then I wonder if churches in India are going to be told to drop the "You may now kiss the bride" line. Since the censor chief has said much on his predecessors and cuss words, Mr Jaitley, perhaps your ministry could ask him to now preach to us about kissing scenes? We'd really like to understand our "culture", you know.

Respectfully curious,

Bharathi S. Pradhan