Dear Julia: My grandparents are in their mid-eighties and live several states away. I call often, and visit when I can — but honestly, with everybody else, I communicate primarily through email, text or Facebook. My grandparents don’t have a computer or even a cellphone! Any tips for goading them into the 21st century? — Devoted Granddaughter

Dear Devoted: My grandmother, bless her 87-year-old heart, still thinks of her microwave as cutting edge technology. I wish I were joking.

My friend Ron, 29, however, has had extraordinary success turning his 85-year-old grandmother into an iPhone-wielding, iTunes-playing granny by using three decidedly simple principles:

1. Start with just ONE thing. He believes in “hooking them” on a single feature — music, in his grandmother’s case — and teaching new applications only after they master the first. “I spent a weekend helping her rip her CD collection onto her computer, and gave her a gift card for the iTunes store,”Ron tells me. Later, he taught her email, photos — and even Facebook.

What you shouldn’t do is try to convince them the computer is a replacement for everything (even if, well, it is!). “If I had told my grandmother that the computer can do music, movies, email, etc., it would have been too much,” Ron says.

2. Simplify. Remember that just because you’ve been working with computers for a decade or two, not everyone has. You can’t just tell granny to “set up a Gmail account”. You have to start with how to turn on the computer, how to work the mouse, how to click on the Safari browser icon so it will open. It’s important, Ron adds, to “not make them feel bad if they don’t get it right away.”

3. Patience, patience, patience — and reassure them nothing they do can “break” it. Ron’s grandma worried she would “do something wrong”. He continuously reassured her that “she can’t do anything I can’t undo”, which gave her the confidence to try new things. Ron stops by for “dinner and tech support” about once a week — and now his bond with Grandma is tighter than ever.

Here are 10 little things I’ve found that will make a big impact:

1. Prep everything. Call the cable company, hook up the Internet yourself. Get the computer out of the box and take it through the online registration and set-up process.

2. Set up all accounts on their behalf: Gmail, Skype, Flickr, maybe Facebook. Try the same easy-to-remember user name for each. I suggest “Grandpa FULL NAME” — or come up with another creative name. Always use identical passwords.

3. Increase the font size on the display, as well as the icon size. Consider buying them a larger-letter keyboard and a bigger monitor.

4. Change the icon names. “Firefox” means nothing to Grandpa. Change it to “GOOGLE” and set Google as the home page. He can always navigate from there. “Outlook” means nothing, either. Change it to “EMAIL”.

5. Scan photos from their old albums and set up a screensaver that plays them on repeat. Post their favourite family photo on the desktop.

6. Send their new email address to all family members, and ask them to send welcome emails immediately. An empty inbox is only exciting for those of us with crazy bosses — not so much for Grandma!

7. Pre-load their music library by ripping their CDs, downloading songs from iTunes, etc.

8. What is their favourite interest? Find great websites on these interests and bookmark them — or, even better, create icons on the desktop.

9. Write out — by hand or type and print — detailed, clearly labelled step-by-step instructions for turning on the computer, using email, etc.

10. Explain the Magical Rule of Tech Support: If something doesn’t work, turn it off, then turn it on again.

Julia Allison is a veteran columnist, TV personality and public speaker.

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