Sherlock Holmes and the Cumberbatch conundrum

One of Britain's most sought after actors, the Oscar-nominated Benedict Cumberbatch, 39, has progressed from playing Sherlock Holmes on television to Hamlet on stage.

He has been cast as the Prince of Denmark in a new production of the Shakespeare tragedy at the Barbican in London.

I requested a press ticket but was rebuffed by the PR lady looking after the media that "at this stage we are oversubscribed, I am afraid".

I tried to buy a ticket but again had no luck. The play opened last Wednesday, August 5, and will finish on October 31 but tickets for the entire run were sold out within seven hours of going on sale.

Several national newspapers broke the convention that reviews should not appear until after press night, which in this case will be on August 25.

Much of this madness has to do with Cumberbatch and his legion of female fans known as "Cumberbitches".

The critics, all female, who jumped the gun, were mostly breathless with excitement, though the woman from The Times , Kate Maltby, was not impressed that the director Lyndsey Turner had messed with Shakespeare.

In particular, she criticised the radical decision to open the play with Hamlet's famous soliloquy, "To be, or not to be", saying it was "indefensible".

And the words, which are usually not heard until Act III, were never again repeated.

"Benedict Cumberbatch has all the energy Hamlet requires, sweating around the Barbican stage like an oleaginous electric eel, but there's little subtlety in this performance," she raged. "It's a wasted opportunity: pure theatrical self-indulgence."

Since Shakespeare has a huge following in India, the British Council could do worse than get this production of Hamlet to tour Calcutta and other cities in India. Let the people decide.

I would be tempted to make a tiny alteration, though.

What is Hamlet if not, at heart, a murder story? Which is why I would probably combine Conan Doyle with the Bard and get Holmes to solve the mystery of who bumped off Hamlet's dad.

Lestrade has arrested his brother Claudius but is he really the guilty one?

It so happens I am rereading A Study in Scarlet for the millionth time and so am in the mood. For a small consideration - a ticket on press night, for example - I would be more than happy to adjust the Bard's words, starting with: "Come Benedict, come! The game is afoot!"

Heath hunt

At last, I am pleased to have a passionate defence of Sir Edward Heath.

No fewer than seven police forces in Britain are looking into allegations that Heath, who was Prime Minister from 1970 to 1974 and who died in 2005, aged 89, was a homosexual who abused small boys.

However, Ugandan Asians have not forgotten that when Idi Amin expelled his country's entire population of 90,000 Indians in 1972, Heath went against the right wing of his party, led by Enoch Powell, and decided Britain had a moral duty to admit all refugees with British passports.

I have consulted an old friend, Praful Patel, who himself came to Britain from Jinja in Uganda but several years before the Uganda crisis of 1972, when he was appointed the only Asian member of the Uganda Resettlement Board.

"I am distressed to read reports of alleged misdemeanour by one of Britain's most distinguished and popular prime ministers," Praful tells me. "I recall my interactions with Heath when he came across as a deeply compassionate person with integrity and conviction. His decision to admit Ugandan Asians was one of the most courageous acts by a British politician, who had the toughest possible battle at the Tory Party Conference in 1972 to win a resolution to admit all British Asian Ugandans. Ugandans owe him a debt of gratitude.

"Within three-and-a-half years, we settled around 38,000 Ugandan Asians in Britain," recalls Praful. "I could unequivocally say that I would never believe such scurrilous allegations about him. I am confident that the enquiry will clear Ted Heath, who led the prayers in 1997 when we celebrated the silver jubilee of the arrival of the Ugandan Asians."

Migrant mess

David Cameron has been ticked off for describing migrants in Calais as a "swarm of people" trying to reach Britain.

Speaking during a visit to Vietnam, Cameron told ITV News that attempts to enter the UK had increased because "you have got a swarm of people coming across the Mediterranean, seeking a better life, wanting to come to Britain because Britain has got jobs, it's got a growing economy, it's an incredible place to live".

I noticed a letter in The Guardian from India-born economist Professor Monojit Chatterji, fellow and director of studies in economics at Sidney Sussex College, Cambridge, who suggested the following solution for the migrants: "There are still parts of Europe (and of course the US) that are relatively underpopulated - the Highlands and islands of Scotland, for example."

The West is, at least, partly responsible for creating the migrant crisis in the first place, according to Prof. Chatterji.

"A concerted pan-European effort could do much to alleviate the problem which is at least partly a creation of the military adventurism of the Western powers," he said.

Book watch

Atul Gawande's Being Mortal headed The Sunday Times bestsellers' list for paperbacks (general) last week.

Atul is the Indian-American surgeon who delivered the Reith Lectures last year on "the future of medicine".

His book sold 16,310 copies in two weeks.

Since he comes frequently to India, I have already suggested that he should be invited to look at healthcare in West Bengal - and especially whether doctors over prescribe since they receive backhanders from pharma companies.

Fat cats

Proof that the top Bollywood stars are grossly overpaid comes in the latest list of the world's highest earning actors compiled by Forbes .

Amitabh Bachchan, Salman Khan and Akshay Kumar are all included - I can only assume Shah Rukh Khan got left out by mistake.

The list is as follows: 1. Robert Downey Jr: $80m; 2. Jackie Chan: $50m; 3. Vin Diesel: $47m; 4. Bradley Cooper: $41.5m; 5. Adam Sandler: $41m; 6. Tom Cruise: $40m; 7. Amitabh Bachchan: $33.5m; 8. Salman Khan: $33.5m; 9. Akshay Kumar: $32.5m; 10. Mark Wahlberg: $32m; 11. Dwayne Johnson: $31.5m; 12. Johnny Depp: $30m; 13. Leonardo DiCaprio: $29m; 14. Channing Tatum: $29m; 15. Chris Hemsworth: $27m; 16. Daniel Craig: $27m.

While Hollywood actors earn hundreds of millions of dollars for the US economy, a Bollywood blockbuster will typically raise £1m in the UK and perhaps twice as much in the US. Thus, Bollywood actors are proportionately overpaid for what they do.

Tittle tattle

Is this a first?

It has already been pointed out that Sundaram Ravi of India and Aleem Dar of Pakistan are the two umpires who have been officiating in the 4th "Pomicide" Test between England and Australia at Trent Bridge in Nottingham.

If they wish to get more work, they should never forget Rule No. 1 in the MCC handbook: if a delivery raps the pads of an England batsman and there is an appeal for lbw, the ball should always be judged as "just missing the stumps".