Padmini Prasad was taken aback when she received a call from Bangalore’s family court to help sort out a divorce case six months ago. The director of the city’s Institute of Sexual Medicine was no legal expert, after all. The separation, however, had a sex angle to it.

The case revolved around a 32-year-old software professional who had filed for divorce because her husband did not indulge in foreplay. “She complained that it left her sexually dissatisfied. This had soured their relationship,” recalls Prasad, who counselled the couple.

For Prasad, the case wasn’t a one-off affair. “The urban Indian woman’s sexual expectations have shot up. In the last five years, there has been a 90 per cent increase in the number of women coming to me with complaints of unhappy sex lives,” she says. It’s not the desire for good sex that surprises Prasad. “I see a new boldness with which women discuss their flings and fantasies,” she says.

Women’s sexuality is, clearly, coming out of the closet in urban India. It’s increasingly becoming a subject of discussion — in films, books, reality shows, magazine columns and online forums. Also, like Prasad, psychologists across urban India are counselling an increasing number of women with issues of sexual discontent.

In Hindi films, sex was never supposed to be on the love-struck heroine’s mind. But now, her love comes mixed with lust. For instance, Mirch, released in December, explores the issue of female sexuality. The film is a story of four sexually liberated women who are unapologetic about their libido. According to director Vinay Shukla, the film celebrates a woman’s need for physical intimacy which is as much as a man’s. “If men can talk about their sex drives, why can’t women,” he asks.

BEDTIME STORY: A poster of the film Mirch, released in December 2010

Although the film flopped, Shukla won some back-thumping appreciation from his women audience. “A young Mumbai woman told me she felt relieved after seeing the movie. Now she feels she isn’t the only one with a libido on overdrive.”

Bollywood has done a retake on how it looks at women’s sexuality, says Fareed Kazmi — whose book, Sex in Cinema: A history of female sexuality in Indian films, was published last year. “Films like Dev D, Ishqiya and Turning 30 have women protagonists who drink, smoke and sleep around. They do just what the men do — and no moral judgments are made about them,” explains Kazmi. His book explores how women’s sexuality has gone from being a non-issue to a normal human urge in Indian cinema.

Sex is taking over from romance in women’s writing as well. When Meena Kandasamy’s book of poems Ms Militancy was published in December, she was flooded with hate mail from men for its “in-your-face” sexuality — and lines like “I never falter in a fight. And I seduce shamelessly.”

“The poems ask women to break out of sexual conditioning. I was flooded with hate messages from men,” recalls the London-based author. The women, however, reacted differently. “When I was at the Jaipur Literary Festival last month, a group of schoolgirls asked to be photographed with me. They said they found my writing representative of their generation,” says Kandasamy, adding that her book has got print orders from Canada and South Africa.

Delhi-based publishing house Zubaan will be publishing a book of sexual writing by women writers from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh next year. “We contacted 32 women authors to write for the book. What was surprising was that they all agreed,” says Rosalyn D’Mello, who is editing the book which is yet to be titled.

All authors contributing for the book are new to erotic writing, says D’Mello. For instance, Monica Mody, who writes children’s books, is penning a poem about a prince and a princess — with a sex spin to it. “The authors say that writing on erotica has helped them re-examine their own sexuality,” says D’Mello.

The discourse about sex in the public sphere has so far been male centric, says Anita Roy, commissioning editor, Zubaan. “A culture of shame and silence has surrounded women’s erotica writing. But this is changing.”

Social change has transformed sexual attitudes among urban women, believes sexologist Prasad. In today’s times of 72-hour-after abortion pills, over-the-counter contraceptives and the anonymity that comes with working in big cities, the three threats of pregnancy, HIV and social ostracism have been neutralised. “Unwanted pregnancies and the stigma attached to short-term flings have now become problems of the past,” she says.

Sociologist Shiv Visvanathan adds that urbanisation, financial freedom and late marriages have added zing to the urban Indian woman’s sex life.

For readers of erotica, the Kamasutra was always considered a handbook for men — till Sandhya Mulchandani’s book Kamasutra for Women was published three years ago. “The book tells women how to engage a man completely and have a good sex life,” says Mulchandani, adding that her book has been translated into four languages.

Although Mulchandani considered her book research on an ancient manuscript, she found herself becoming the centre of conversations in kitty party circles. “Women quizzed me about everything, from the G-spot to making their sex life vibrant. They have become open about voicing their sexual needs,” says the author.

Rajan Bhonsle would know. The founder of Heart to Heart Counselling Centre, Mumbai, has been answering sex-related queries in columns for two women’s magazines for the last decade. “Till five years ago, all questions were pregnancy related. They had nothing to do with sexual pleasure,” says Bhonsle. But now women want to know about orgasms and dildos, he adds. “Two months ago, a 35-year-old married woman wrote saying she had an urge to sleep with a stranger,” recalls Bhonsle, adding that in the last three years, there has been a 30 per cent increase in the number of women seeking counselling for sex-related issues. “The most common issue is sexual dissatisfaction with their partner,” he elaborates.

Subjects that were once never talked of are now no longer taboo. Dayal Mirchandani, founder Behavioural Science Foundation, Mumbai, says women discuss a spectrum of issues during counselling sessions — from having one night stands to holiday romances and office affairs. “The big change is that they don’t suffer from guilt pangs anymore,” he says.

Mirchandani believes that since working people in big cities have less time to invest in relationships, both men and women make do with casual sexual flings. “Two months ago, I counselled a 35-year-old woman who had an affair with her gym instructor because her husband worked long hours and didn’t have time for sex,” he recalls.

Casual sex, clearly, is no longer an oxymoron for women. Mumbai-based psychologist Harish Shetty believes that to an extent women have driven the casual sex revolution in India. “They have education, exposure and more avenues for interacting with the opposite sex. Also, today’s chick lit and women’s magazines have made sexual and personal fulfilment must-haves for women,” he explains.

Women are no longer looking only for a strong, safe mate to make babies with. Last year, when a 28-year-old marketing professional approached Aruna Broota for pre-marital counselling, the New Delhi-based clinical psychologist expected her to ask the staple questions about settling into a new life. But her issues were different. “She wanted to have sex before marriage to see if her fiancé could make her happy in bed. She didn’t want to be disappointed after the wedding,” recalls Broota.

The psychologist adds that the number of marriages breaking because of sexual mismatch is also on the rise. “I see about a dozen such couples every month. In most cases, the woman expresses dissatisfaction,” says Broota.

It’s not just the free-spirited, young metro woman who is chasing her orgasm. A Chandigarh-based diabetes doctor, Ajay Gill, had never connected high sugar levels with a low sex life — till a middle-aged couple posed the problem last year. “The husband, who was 45, suffered from diabetes. His wife complained he had lost his sex drive because of the disease. She wanted me to give him some libido booster,” recalls the doctor.

Women are coming on top now — and talking about it, too.