 |
It was the tweet that launched a thousand groans: “Fan belt light came on in the 911 so now I’m driving the Cayenne Turbo S — the backup, backup car. Trying not to think about the Tesla...”
Ugh.
He followed this with:
“The Amex black card is made of titanium — always surprises people how heavy it is when I hand it to them.”
And a gal tweeted:
“Panic for royal wedding outfit over. A happy encounter at dinner last night with the uber chic designer L’wren Scott and problem solved!”
Cue the retching sounds.
Christmas card brags were limited to people one ostensibly knew. But with the advent of Twitter, show-offs around the world can now power-brag to millions of people they’ve never even met — year round! Without having to address any letters! Or wish them any joy and yuletide happiness! Or get hand cramps signing their name in gold ink dozens of times!
Ah, the Twitter Brag — aka the “twag” — perpetrated by social media braggarts (SMBs): loudmouths who load their digital droppings with less-than-oblique references to status symbols indicating their robust bank accounts, unblemished good looks, celeb-studded global wanderings and all-around unmitigated, quantifiable better-than-you-ness.
These include the arguably more virulent strain of “humblebrag”, in which the braggart in question seeks to soften the showboating with affected self-deprecation and/or faux “complaints”.
Let’s analyse two twags in point:
Twag No. 1: “Propane is up to almost $4/gal and my tank holds 1,000 gallons to heat pool/spa. I go through a tank every 2 weeks. Ouch.”
A perfect case study for faux complaints, this SMB is really saying: “Hmm, how can I let everyone know I have a pool and spa without linking to plans of my house and property? Wait! I’ve got it! I’ll complain about the high price of gas — then I’m both rich AND relatable!”
Twag No. 2: “I AM featured in People’s “Most Beautiful” (what can I say, they all make mistakes) BUT did the shoot w/no makeup and I have to say . . . SCARY!”
A classic example of affected self-deprecation, this translates as: “OMG I just got People’s Most Beautiful!! How do I tell everybody without making them jealous? I know! I’ll pretend I think People made a mistake — duh, they totally didn’t — but also mention I wasn’t wearing makeup and that FRIGHTENED ME! What’s more down-to-earth than THAT!? NOTHING!! This is a foolproof plan. NO ONE WILL SUSPECT I KNOW I’M REALLY GORGEOUS EVEN WITHOUT MAKEUP!”
Several Twitter accounts — most notably @TweetingTooHard and @Humblebrag — are devoted to spotting such egoists and retweeting their twags as a “wink, nudge, hey show-off, you’re fooling no one!” to the twagger.
Jacob Morse, founder of TweetingTooHard.com, began the site when he noticed an explosion of “explicit bragging, arrogance thinly masked by feigned humility and extreme first-world complaints.” It’s not a new behaviour, “We’ve always done this ‘signaling’ in various, subtle ways,” Morse says. The key difference? Amplification and aggregation. “The reach and persistence of Twitter unmasked (these brags) and destroyed any subtlety that might have existed offline,” he explains.
Exactly! The irony is that Social Media Braggarts genuinely think they’re fooling people, but with only 140 characters, they have nowhere to hide. It’s really all brag.
I should know. A few months ago, I was one of the show-offs both sites retweeted. Typing in a vacuum, without any social cues, I didn’t entirely realise how obnoxious I was: “@JuliaAllison: It took no less than 13 phone calls and four weeks to set up one phone call between my manager, my film lit agent, and me. Impressive!”
Barf. Er . . . oops? You don’t see Julia Roberts tweeting that! But also she doesn’t have anything to prove!
Yes, my name is Julia Allison, and I am a (mostly) reformed Social Media Braggart. Hey! Self-awareness is the first step to recovery. Or so Oprah tells me in her magazine.
So, what’s the right way to avoid the dread twag? “Keep your mouth shut,” says my father (unsolicited, I might add). Thanks, Dad.
Actually, I’ve found that reading the worst offenders cures a bad twitter braggart faster than anything else. Except maybe shutting down their account — that’s fast, too.
Still, Morse reminds us that as eye-roll-inducing as some are, geez, they’re just tweets. In other words: twillax (I had to). “If we start taking ourselves too seriously, Twitter would get even more annoying,” Morse says. “The casual tone is what’s so great; it’s also what makes some people say really dumb things.”
You mean, like this person did?
“Mother of God. Tornado coming. Hide in my wine cellar or my theater? or my gym. (in the face of death, I still find ways to brag).”
Ugh!
