Antlami
This is the time for us to pensively stroke our beards. Those not so fortunately hirsute can make steeples out of their fingers. Then we can hold forth on everything from Guevara to Shakira. Puja is the time for get-togethers, and for the Bengali intellectual to blossom. There is nothing quite like antlami — for those who came in late, that’s intellectual talk — to keep the festive season going.

Batar juto
For long years, we thought Mr Bata was a Bengali. After all, we knew Batanagar was in Bengal and shorshe bata was a must in every Bengali kitchen. We thought Bata made shoes only for us, and especially for the Pujas. We know better now — and are suitably happy to find that our feet have been shod by a Czech-Canadian. Who wants Jimmy Choo?

Carp
Not the fish, though that’s important too, but this is the time to unleash our tendency to complain about everything. And there is so much to carp about — the traffic is bad, the decorations are awful, and why on earth is that divorcee from next door wearing such loud colours?

Didi
For once, we are not going to let a certain lady dampen our spirits.

Ei jey
This is the most used Bengali phrase — denoting everything from a wife’s coy call to her husband to an urgent reminder to the phuchkawallah for another phuchka. At a Puja pandal, when you have to draw the attention of a great many strangers — including the rotund mashima who is standing on your toe — ‘ei je’ works wonders.

Feluda
Those days are gone when Satyajit Ray wrote a special Feluda novel during the pujas for the fond fans of the Charminar-smoking detective. Ray is in the director’s chair somewhere up there, but Feluda lives on. While we wait for his new films, we can always read up all those old books during the Puja hols.

Graffiti
Remember that old graffito? A hoarding for ‘Gopaler genji’ — vests made by a company called Gopal — urged everybody to wear “Gopal’s vests and undies” during the pujas. Below that, a knowledge seeker had scrawled: ‘But then what will Gopal wear?’ We don’t have wall writings any more, but the memories linger.

Hungry kya
Let’s eat, drink and be merry — for tomorrow the prices go up. The Pujas are a great excuse to say goodbye to that cabbage-loving GM diet. Say hello, instead, to ilish maachh, kosha mangsho, khichuri, pakora, sondesh and roshogollah.

Illumination
Nuclear energy can go hang — we’re going to do all right with water and heat. Power is not a problem this week — as demonstrated by all those light shows depicting such eventful developments as Jhumpa Lahiri’s new book and the Nandigram firing. So let there be light.

Jams
The time has come for Calcutta to stand still — literally. But we know jams are a part of the Puja life, so we are cool. After all, going to a pandal is almost as much fun as getting there. Almost.

Kurta
The good thing about all those luridly embroidered men’s kurtas is that everybody is wearing them. So you can take out the kurta that shejo-jethu gave you — the one with frolicking fish and multi-hued flowers — and wear it with aplomb. Hold your head high — the guy next to you is wearing a kurta with little bunny rabbits on it.

Labra
Here’s to that dish of mixed vegetables that spring up every Puja. Add some to your khichuri, and all will be well with the world.

Marx
Now is the time when Marx merges with Ma. When the goddess comes, the red label gathers to worship at her altar — and organise pujas funded by willing sponsors. Das Kapital is Mr Das (going for) capital.

Nano
This Puja we are going to raise a toast to a dream that once was. NataMano — a mini that looks suspiciously like the real thing — will be on display in one of the pandals. Let’s go look it up, while we still can.

Off
Everything is shut — from offices to schools and colleges. Puja break is no mere break — it’s a calendar in itself.

Poltu
Keep an eye on him. This boy in the green checked shorts and pink shirt is going to get lost. When you hear that loudspeaker blaring: “Poltu’s parents, please come to the announcement booth”, you’ll know that Poltu should have been just left behind at home. Or perhaps he’s best left at the announcement booth till next year.

Queue
Queue up for everything — from entry into the pandal, and for exit. A queue works like Prozac — it tells us that we are not alone in the world.

Rabindra Sangeet
It’s there before the Pujas, it’s there after the Pujas. And, of course, it’s there during the pujas. Durga Puja without Tagore’s songs is like Christmas without carols. So bring out the harmonium. And some cotton wads for the ears, please.

Sourav
The Pujas have brought good news. Dada will be in the cricket team. Like the goddess, he has vanquished Evil — this one called selectors.

Tata
Tata may be another word for goodbye, but we are not ready for a farewell yet. This Puja, we are going to do some heavy-duty praying for projects that don’t go off before they can even take off.

Unienzyme
After all that eating and drinking, let’s not forget to pop that little pill into our mouths. The Bengali’s weakest link — the stomach — needs to be taken care of. Eat as much as you can, and then pass a plate of Unienzymes around.

Victoria
Good time to coochie-coo behind the bushes. Folks at home think we are at the pandal, offering flowers to the goddess and trying to extract promises from her for our next major examination. The only tests we have in mind are the physicals, ha!

Welkaam
As in, Oelkaam to our Puja pandal.

Xanadu
Let’s take out our atlases, and look for the remotest of places that we can visit immediately after the Pujas. Just where is Xanadu, the place the poet speaks of? Will Kundu Special know?

Yak-yak
Talk till we drop — that’s our mantra for the Pujas. Let’s sit up till late at night and discuss threadbare family shenanigans — including why Kochu Mama disappears every evening and comes back late, walking very carefully and chewing peppermint.

Zzz
And when the Pujas are over, let’s just go back to sleep. We are good at that.