The Telegraph
Since 1st March, 1999
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One of the many scenes in Singh is Kinng that will make you squirm in your seat has Akshay Kumar peeing while seated. When a friend comes and sits beside him, Akshay turns to listen to him and so does his you-know-what, spraying his friend with you-know-what. Sic? No, say SIK for Singh is Kinng.

Anees Bazmee’s Singh is Kinng may have engineered a massive marketing campaign to become a blockbuster at the box office but truth be told the film itself is so bad that it makes the same director’s No Entry seem Oscar-worthy. No matter how much you try to “B positive”, Singh is Kinng is SIK.

For all those who thought that Singh is Kinng is about the Sikh community and their way of life and how they are ruling the world in their inimitable style, well, you couldn’t be more misled. The film is nothing more than a mindless comedy reeking of the unbearable stench of those bad Bollywood potboilers of the 1980s. SIK. You know the films where paralysed patients become fighting fit just by rolling down the stairs, where two identical people cross each other but the world doesn’t realise they look the same, where mothers with ghar ka khana are discovered on the roadside.

Yes, Singh is Kinng has all that and much more. SIK. It’s about Happy Singh (Akshay) who is sent to Australia to bring back Lucky Singh (Sonu Sood) to his village in Punjab. Why? Because the village is fed up with the grave monetary losses he is causing everyone to suffer and wants to get rid of him. But what is Happy told? That Lucky, who is a don Down Under, should be brought back to his old parents. So along with a village senior (Om Puri) Akshay sets out for Australia and then, believe it or not, has his ticket swapped before boarding and lands up in Egypt! Why? For a song-and-dance with Katrina of course. Sorry Sallu, that is not so SIK!

Once he is in Australia, Happy manages to get Lucky paralysed and, in a bizarre hospital scene where blood is shown boiling in the saline bottle, he is crowned the new Don, the King of the group of Singhs. This gang is straight out of one of those bad Kader Khan-Anupam Kher films of yore where one cannot see and hear and another rambles about his past. Happy, of course, has to reform this group and make them proud Punjabis and also get his girl who turns out to be the daughter of his munh-boli maa. SIK.

If you take Akshay Kumar and the marketing blitz out, the film wouldn’t last a week. Even Akshay is hardly his usual self and doesn’t have enough good lines to pull it through. Only his scenes with the unmatchable Om Puri and the ones with the feisty Kirron Kher pass muster. Neha Dhupia has more lines than Katrina Kaif and that pretty much explains what Kats gets to do in the film — doll-up and go places. Among the rest, only Yashpal Sharma is genuinely funny as the sad Sikh Pankaj Udaas.

Pritam’s music, besides the smartly shot title track and the Teri ore song, is not catchy enough. The action scenes too are surprisingly tacky considering the Rs-50 crore budget.

After you have spent the 140 minutes in the hall, it will become evident why a record 1,800 prints of the film have been sent across the globe in the first weekend. Because by the time people have realised what a complete waste of time and money they’ve just sat through, the cash registers would have rung loud and clear and Akshay Kumar would have had yet another hit.

If you still have to, just sneak in before the end titles to catch Snoop Dogg in a turban. It’s better than everything that comes before it.

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