Donald Trump has returned from his 2025 Middle East tour and we assume he has been pampered to bits.
The US president was showered with gifts that ranged from the jaw-dropping to the just plain puzzling.
Let’s start with Qatar.
When you want to impress a man who once plastered his name on steaks and vodka, subtlety isn’t the goal. The Qatari royals handed Trump the keys (rumoured to be gold-plated) to a $400 million Boeing 747, which has been dubbed the “Flying Palace.” It’s reportedly decked with bells and something called golden whistles. Trump promised to share his new toy with the Defence Department and also his presidential library.
Critics were less amused. They raised concerns about the Constitution, potential foreign influence, and a basic sense of practicality.
Then came the United Arab Emirates.
What do you give the man who has everything, including a plane the size of a football field? In the case of the UAE, the answer is a single drop of oil. Yes, just one drop of Murban crude.
Trump, never one to miss a punchline, quipped, “The best oil in the world — and I only get a drop? I’m not thrilled.” Somewhere, a PR team was probably left scrambling for a better pitch.
The Burj Khalifa even lit up in red, white and blue because what screams diplomacy more than fireworks on the world’s tallest building?
And the Saudis?
While no gold-plated falcons were reported, Trump was paraded around with “fighter jet escorts, Arabian horses, camel caravans, sword dancers”, and enough lavender carpet to launch a home décor line.
Of course, none of this was just for fun. In the background, the Gulf states pledged $600 billion in investments alongside major deals in defence, aviation, and artificial intelligence. Trump got a plane. America got contracts.
Whether this was savvy statesmanship or a jet-fuelled joyride through the Gulf, one thing’s certain: Trump didn’t just leave with handshakes and photo ops. He walked away with a $400 million jet, a ceremonial droplet of oil, and a welcome party that made a royal coronation look modest.
Now back in the U.S., he insists it was all “incredible diplomacy.” His critics, meanwhile, are still untangling the legal knots.
And the rest of us? We’re just wondering what he’ll get on his next trip — a golden camel, perhaps, or a sand dune named in his honour.