Raising children with autism and other disabilities comes with immense challenges, and it can sometimes be traumatic for both the children and their families — not because of the disabilities themselves, but because of the lack of understanding and acceptance from broader society.
Children with disabilities are subjected to bullying in educational institutions and social circles.
The ostracism or the bullying sometimes becomes so acute that parents retreat from the mainstream, said parents and those who work with disabilities.
Not being invited to birthday parties or parents taking turns to attend a marriage invitation because others either side-talk or stare at their child are some of the behaviours that these children and their parents face.
In one particular incident, a primary school-going child was allegedly beaten up by his peers. The children purportedly accepted their mistake, but it was the child with autism who had to be taken out and sent to a special school.
A third-year PhD scholar at IISER Kolkata, Anamitra Roy, allegedly committed suicide after accusing another scholar of bullying him for his autism and alleging that his supervisor not only remained silent but also indulged his tormentor.
Roy’s death will be a setback for inclusion, said Arunasis Adhikari, who works with disabilities.
“Physical infrastructures are being created to include people with disabilities in the mainstream, but where is the mindset to include them. No amount of government policies can help in the absence of sensitivity or acceptance. After Roy’s death, parents of children with disabilities will be wary of mainstreaming their children,” said Adhikari, trustee, Bhabna Trust that runs a residential facility for children with disabilities in West Burdwan.
Sumitra Paul Bakshi, who has a 15-year-old son with autism, said a “neurotypical world is a tough world for their children”.
“Neurotypical people are so busy in a competitive world that they have little time to understand the needs of our children. Also, for us, when we see our children not being able to flourish in that setting, we form our own group and are happy to see our children excel in that group of neurodivergent individuals,” said Paul Bakshi, who also runs an organisation for children with special needs.
Psychiatrist Sanjay Garg said that neurodivergent children who are bullied start rationalising what they are facing. “It becomes challenging to work with them because they internalise the belief that they deserve the bullying,” said Garg.
“Sometimes they seek empathy but what they get is only sympathy and that can be detrimental for them, too.”
The battle for acceptance is something that both neurodivergent children and their parents fight right from childhood.
“It is not a one-day battle or temporary but something that is persistent and there is no end to it,” said Garg. The impact of bullying is not only on the neurodivergent child but on their parents as well, said Garg.
“For parents, it becomes difficult to accept that their child has significant disability and they internally cope with denial and acceptance. Compared to a parent of a neurotypical child, a parent of a neurodivergent child has to put in a lot of hard work. To have to face bullying on top of that it takes a toll on them. Many of them go through mental trauma,” said Garg.
The parents have to keep standing up for the child and uncertainties and difficulties are bound to creep in, he said.
Many parents said that unless and until they stand up for their child, society will not understand.
“Parents of children with disabilities have to create visibility of their children. If that is not done, the society will never be able to accept them,” said Soumen Upadhyay, who has been working for disability rights.