At 32, Jayanti Ghose worries about a question that rarely leaves her mind. What if something happens to her mother while she is travelling for work?
A resident of Thakurpukur, Jayanti lives with her 71-year-old mother Rita, who has multiple geriatric illnesses and early-onset dementia. An ayah stays round the clock, yet Jayanti said no one can care for her mother the way she can. As an only child and a single woman, the responsibility is constant, and at times, overwhelming.
“Beyond all the concerns, I find myself feeling lost sometimes,” she said.
Jayanti’s experience mirrors a growing reality in Kolkata and India, where shrinking families, migration and longer life spans are placing intense emotional and physical pressure on caregivers.
When caregiving turns into burnout
Burnout is not just tiredness, said Padmakali Kar, visiting psychiatrist at Peerless Hospital. It is a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion that develops when care is long-term and support is limited.
Emotional signs can include irritability, anger, guilt, anxiety or emotional numbness. Physical symptoms range from chronic fatigue and sleep problems to headaches and frequent illness. Behavioural changes often show up as withdrawal, poor concentration or unhealthy coping habits.
“The causes are prolonged stress without breaks, high emotional involvement, role overload and a lack of control over disease progression. There is also very little recognition for caregivers, which adds to disappointment,” Kar said
Burnout affects not only the caregiver, but also the quality of care. Kar stresses that seeking professional help becomes crucial when caregivers feel emotionally numb most days or fear they might snap.
The need for a reset button
For Sneha Dutta, a communication professional caring for ageing family members, the weight of caregiving led her to an unexpected form of healing.
“I started solo travelling because of this. From someone who couldn’t stay away from people, I reached a point where I wanted to be completely alone, just to hit the reset button,” she said.
Sneha admits there were moments when anger spilled over at home, followed by deep guilt. Losing her father only intensified that emotional rollercoaster.
“What helped was having a compassionate therapist who listened without judgment. Acceptance of burnout is half the battle won. Denial hurts more.”
Yet she also speaks of the strange victories caregiving brings. “After dodging death with a touch-and-go moment, even one small improvement feels like a battle won. Then my own exhaustion takes a backseat.”
For Sayani Sengupta, the exhaustion builds silently over time, shaped by the different and changing health conditions of both her parents. As a single caregiver caring for her parents, she has learned to carve out brief moments of reprieve without ever stepping away from responsibility.
“There is a lot of underlying exhaustion and frustration that gradually builds up over time. I usually sleep whenever I can, go out for solo walks, sit at neighbourhood tea shacks for tea or coffee, rewind over an adda with the teaseller and other customers, or visit the local markets for bazaar and chat with my vendors,” she said.
Even these short breaks are carefully planned. “I never step away from my responsibilities even for a single day. If I am out for a few hours, I make sure everything from medication to food is kept accessible so my parents don’t need to move much.”
She admits to a feeling that many caregivers hesitate to voice. “I might sound selfish, but I feel lighter when I am out for those few hours, a certain sense of freedom.”
Finding meaning in responsibility
However, not every caregiver experiences the journey as draining. Businessman Sourav Sengupta, who looks after his septuagenarian mother and other elderly relatives, sees caregiving as a blessing.
“I enjoy the responsibility. My parents are my support system. I lost my father in 2023, and since then I try to take extra care of my mother,” he said.
For Sourav, caregiving is also about legacy. “Your next generation should see how you treat your ageing parents. Talk to them. Explain things. Everyone grows old one day.”
Learning to let go
Between exhaustion and purpose lies acceptance. Accepting that one cannot control ageing, only respond to it with presence and compassion.
For caregivers like Jayanti, Sneha, Sayani and Sourav, the journey is deeply personal, shaped by love, guilt, fatigue and fleeting moments of connection.
In Kolkata homes, caregiving continues quietly, not because it is easy, but because someone has to show up again tomorrow.