Kolkata statues are in the spotlight after the change of guard, with the new state government taking the bulldozer to many sculptures including the now-famous footballer-without-head in front of Swami Vivekananda Yuba Bharati Krirangan aka Salt Lake stadium.
While the absurdist movement in the Bengali intelligentsia did not last long, today Kolkata has an array of statues and figures spread across the city that can only be called bizarre.
Without further beating about the bush, here is a list of statues that could do with erasure.
Essential clarification: This is not about politics, but a subjective list based on aesthetic sense. We all know beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, so no offence, please.
Dum Dum’s zombie revolutionary
At a glance, these statues in Dum Dum look like they have freshly travelled from hell, or strolled a day in Kolkata with summer sun shining bright. Do not be frightened, because it is just meant to be Matangini Hazra walking with a flag.
Or at least it was supposed to be, before the artist chose to dump a bucket of wax on everything.
Bold artistic freedom, with a finger – or whatever that is – hovering over Hazra’s shoulder.
Fountain of plagiarism
There was once the Panioty fountain in Kolkata, built by Lord Curzon. Now a new fountain has emerged on the Burdwan Road, Chetla and Alipore Road connector. The fountain sprouts water, has green and red lights, but pedestrians and commuters are confused why.
The fountain seems unnecessary on an otherwise busy road. The lights make it look very tacky.
Incidentally, it is a replica of the historic Flora Fountain in Mumbai. Insert facepalm.
We must imagine Sisyphus happy
What this work of art represents is unclear. We are divided between a severely constipated Sisyphus or Atlas taking a break from all the sky holding.
The statue is somewhere in Kolkata. You might get cookie points for finding it and offering it a refreshing drink.
Religions of the world unite
Mother Teresa, Swami Vivekananda and Shirdi Sai Baba on a mountain cliff is a monument somewhere in Kolkata. While the three did not exist at the same time, here they do, and they don’t seem very happy about it.
While the nun and the sadhu are still recognisable, commuters might stop and wonder as to why Santa Claus is in the mix. Such is the artistry.
Indira Gandhi with dentures?
It is difficult to miss the very recognisable Indira Gandhi at a spot in Dum Dum. Probably the artist didn’t like her, her party or her policies, but can that justify a bust that looks like the witch from Snow White?
Lionel messy affair
Everyone still remembers when Leo Messi last came to Kolkata and was in distress in more ways than one. While the people who bought tickets to his show are still angry, the Argentine football legend has every right to be angrier at the statue in Lake Town.
And no, we will not point out which part of the statue is most hideous.
Ray of despair
Satyajit Ray shot at Boral near Kolkata for his iconic film Pather Panchali. To commemorate, a bust was built there. But just as anyone who goes to Boral now will be hard-pressed to find any similarity of the area with Ray’s classic village, it’s a guessing game as to whose bust that is.
It could be anyone, really.
Creepy rivals
East Bengal and Mohun Bagan have been rivals for decades, but at Phoolbagan both of these teams are being harassed with statues that look like hordes from Walking Dead, the zombie film.
While the sentiment is understandable, the statues might give you the heebie-jeebies on a lonely night. Every monsoon, the hair on the footballers heads gets washed away as well, adding to to the grotesqueness of it all.