The Telegraph
| Sunday, October 30, 2016 |

Graphiti

Survival Strategies

Suhel Seth has an unconventional take on personal problems — and their solutions

I am a girl and my family has  recently moved to a new neighbourhood. There are relatives here that we weren’t close to earlier, but they welcomed us warmly. Their son’s about my age. Everything’s nice and shiny on the outside, but he is very creepy and either ogling me all the time or trying to touch me. I try avoiding him, as my mom says, but he manages to find me. How do I get rid of this creep?

Name and address withheld

Just give him a tight slap and say that he isn’t your type. Simple. That’s how these leeches learn. Any form of kindness is seen as encouragement so be your usual self. Be rude, be unbecoming and be a gorgon with this lout. Insult him every time you meet him. Mock his shallow intellect. Comment on his miserable body; talk about his body odour. Basically, learn from Donald Trump. Got it love?

I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for four years. Recently, I relocated outside India for higher studies. Within barely a couple of months my girlfriend stopped taking my calls and or keeping in touch with me on social media. I’m feeling awful that I decided to leave her alone and have come to study abroad. Please help.

Name and address withheld

Don’t feel bad at all. She feels very good and if I know her well she must be feeling more than just good, if you get the drift. This bird has flown the nest my son. So, I suggest wherever the hell you are, find yourself a local belle because this relationship has certainly gone belly up if you know what I mean. The fact that she doesn’t even speak to you says a lot about the crappy love you shared or thought you were sharing.

I am a 17-year-old boy and my life is pretty good although there’s no girl in it. But I have a crush and sometimes talk to her. I don’t know whether I should have a girlfriend or not right now. Please help.

Name and address withheld

Never order a la carte when you can eat from a buffet. Why do you, at 17, want to be captive? Why do you want to inflict nagging upon yourself? Why do you want to be stressed out every waking moment of your life? Enjoy your freedom because sooner or later you will lose it and then life will truly be miserable.

Now you can join the fan page Suhel Seth’s Survival Strategies Column on Facebook and also tweet your comments/ questions to him (@suhelseth) on Twitter 

HELP AT HAND

Al-Anon
For families and friends of alcoholics
(www.india.al-anon.alateen.org)
Ph : 84207-38682 
Email: alanonkolkata@gmail.com
(2pm to 6pm, Mondays-Saturdays)

Alcoholics anonymous 
For free help on alcoholism
10A Nandan Road, Calcutta 700025
Ph: 2419-1174, 98310-63021
Email: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
(2pm to 6pm, Mondays-Saturdays)

HelpAge India
For the elderly for social, legal, economical, financial counselling and also access to government schemes 
and policies
Free helpline: 1-800-345-1253

KORNASH 
For lifestyle management counselling
139B Rash Behari Avenue,
Calcutta 700025
Ph: 98301-49919
(Noon to 8pm, by appointment only)

Lifeline Foundation
Free helpline for the depressed or suicidal
Ph: 2463-7401 / 7432
(10am to 6pm, Mondays-Saturdays)

Narcotics anonymous 
Self-help group for recovering addicts
(www.nakolkata.org)
Kolkata area helpline: 98362-23071 
Email: info@nakolkata.org

Pronam
Senior citizen’s emergency co-ordination control room
38/1 Beltala Road, Calcutta 700019
Ph: 2419-0740

Sparsha
Free tele-counselling and one-on-one counselling on personal relationships and HIV/ AIDS 
AE-36 Rabindra Pally, P.O.: Prafulla Kanan, Calcutta 700101
Ph: 2591-0334 / 3852 / 6529 / 9856
(10am to 6pm, Mondays-Fridays)

If you have questions for Mr Seth, write to: graphiti@abpmail.com