The Telegraph
Wednesday , April 4 , 2012
Since 1st March, 1999
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Your FB boos & DP clues

Poking strangers

While profile surfing, when you come across an interesting profile with a nice display picture, resist the urge to click the ‘Poke’ button, even if it’s a friend’s friend. Let alone strangers, do you ever poke your friends in real life? Then why do it in the virtual world? NOT cool!

Fraandship requests

So you spotted someone at a recent fest and want to know more. Go old-world and search out common friends and earn an introduction. Do you really think sending friend requests to strangers with murder-inducing messages like ‘You are goddess I want to kiss feet. Become fraand...’ will get you anywhere?

‘Liking’ your own status or pictures

Okay, you have put up the lyrics of a very nice song or some profound thought in the box where Facebook asks ‘What’s on your mind?’. As satisfied as you are, don’t ‘like’ it yourself. Didn’t you put it up because you liked it in the first place? Liking your own status or your own pictures reeks of ASS (attention-seeking syndrome).

Constant updates

Facebook’s ‘What’s on your mind’ question does not mean ‘What are you doing every two minutes’. Updates like “I am having biryani” followed by “I just burped my biryani” followed by other bodily functions are things people on your friends list could easily do without!

Using celebrities as display pictures (DP)

Be honest about your looks. Putting up star snaps as your display picture is just uncool. You are not Hrithik Roshan and no matter how many times you make him your DP, you will not look like him!

Putting up pictures without acknowledgement

Every fourth person totes a DSLR camera these days and their clicks abound on Facebook. If someone puts up a picture you like and decides to display it on your profile, not giving credit to the photographer is a crime. At the end of the day, it is someone’s intellectual property.

Game requests

You may be on level 47 of Farmville but that does not mean that every member on your list has to dig virtual potatoes too. Sending out incessant requests to cultivate crops, clean the city or be a trapeze artist in a zoo when they haven’t responded the first time makes you a nuisance. Stop cluttering other people’s homefeed.

Festival pictures

Everybody wants to spread the festive cheer but uploading the picture of a big fat Santa and tagging 50 people in it to wish them a Merry Christmas is annoying. Facebook introduced tags so that you could keep track of your pictures appearing online. No way do people want to look like Santa’s beard or his barrel belly!

Relationship requests

Facebook started the relationship information bit to connect family members on the site. Listing your close friends as your brothers, sisters and even parents and grandparents may be a hoot initially but sending a brother request to an unsuspecting friend who might not be keen to join the brethren leads to much awkwardness.

Astrology and fortune cookie updates

ease keep predictions of how your day will go to yourself. Even if you are addicted to astrology, just don’t publish the results on your profile. The incessant updates clutter up the newsfeed and push interesting and important updates down the stream.

Move over face-reading, t2 decodes what your display picture says about you

Our social networking profiles give away more information than our CVs ever could! At a party or out with friends, how often have you paused to pose for that snap that you visualise as your DP (display picture) on Facebook or Twitter? Read on, for a laugh, to find out what your DP says about you…

The Poser: You just need to be told, “Say cheese!” Instantly, the hands are angled to rest lightly on the hips and a pearly white smile greets the camera. Different clothes and looks for different days? Yes, you are the poser. And happily so.

The photoshopper: Never satisfied with your snap, you work on it through Photoshop, Gimp or the basic Picasa. What would that DP look like without that frame, the red tint, the pastel or the grainy effect, and the shadowed edges? The photoshopper is easy to spot! And has a lot of time on his/her hands!

The thinker: You appear deep in thought or lost in the blues! You fancy yourself as an intellectual.

The candid: You are fun and don’t care two hoots about that shoot. Just about any random picture makes it to your DP. Messed-up hair, muddy Converse shoes… anything works. P.S.: Your friends love you!

The mask: You would rather hide your face behind a Rihanna, Beckham or even Simpsons character than show the virtual world your real self. You’re scared to give away your personality and you like to keep things private.

The narcissist: Most social networkers are narcissists. But some go a step further, cropping out everyone else from the picture and zooming in to tell just their story. All you care about is your own smile and the many “likes” it will generate. You also change your DP often, very, very often.

The I’ve Got iPhone: Because you use Instagram. Because you use all the apps to make your DP look cool. Because you make sure we know you have an iPhone.

The mirror image: You love clicking yourself in front of the mirror — from all angles. You are self-obsessed.

The up close and personal: The girls will upload a snapshot of their eyes or lips. The boys will zoom in on their biceps or six-packs. Slowly, every part of your body — well, almost — makes it to the web. You love yourself. Too much.

The just married: Self-explanatory. And that wedding album DP is usually followed by honeymoon pictures at exotic locations. You finally got hitched and you want the world to know.

The new parent: Your kid is your world. And you want everyone and their neighbour to fawn over your bundle of joy.

The me as a baby: Awww, how cute. Not.

The brand endorser: Look at my dress from Guess, my bag from Coast. Oh, please don’t miss my Jimmy Choos. You are a shopaholic and love to flaunt it.

The side profiler: You think you look best in your side profile. Although, we haven’t seen the “complete you” to agree.

The reflectors: Shades in place, you like (or try)being a cool cat.

The workaholic: Yes, you exist! In front of the comp, discussing business in a suit, you like to look busy and serious.

The party animal: Drink in hand, a BFF by your side, life is a party and god is the DJ.

The brand master: You upload your company’s logo or its website screenshot. You are a marketing guy.

On vacation: Just back from Istanbul or en route to London — if you’re travelling, you must tell.

The pet show: You love your pet. It — sorry, he/she — even has a Facebook or Twitter account.