The Telegraph
Since 1st March, 1999
Email This Page
Mind the design defects, says God

Memo To: Brigitte Boisselier, Scientific Director,

Clonaid Inc.

From: God

Congratulations! Now that creating human life is no longer My gig alone, I want to wish you, er, Godspeed.

You are new to this thing, however, and I should warn you that even My early efforts were not without mishap. For example, for a long time after the Creation, what with all the begattings, I plumb forgot to make females. This proved very unfair to Eve.

Indeed, some of My minor design flaws are with you still ó nipples on men, hair in the ears, cellulite, etc. And even now, just when I think Iíve got the big recipe down pat, every so often the assembly line coughs out a Michael Jackson.

My point is, be careful out there.

I know you Raelians donít believe in Me, but Iím all right with that. I am not a petty God. Anyway, at this time of your great triumph, I have some thoughts. I hope you will accept them in the spirit they are offered.

1. Go easy on the makeup. You look like a Kabuki Tweety Bird.

2. Everyone appears terribly concerned that the Raelians are, by most available evidence, gibbering nutcakes. Frankly, this doesnít bother Me all that much. Many important scientific advances were made by people who held highly unconventional views, such as Galileo. And he did fine, until the whole torture thing.

3. Responsible scientists seem to feel that DNA technology has not progressed to the point where humans can be safely cloned without severe risks to their health and happiness. The implications of this ó that rogue scientists might place innocents in terrible jeopardy for their own self-aggrandisement ó are not unduly troubling to Me. Many important historical figures placed their own ambitions ahead of humane concerns and had long and prosperous lives, such as Mussolini, prior to the time his head was on a pole.

4. Some people worry that widespread public fear over this will stop important research into cloning for organ transplantation and other legitimate purposes.

This should not be your concern. A scientist need not be held responsible for the consequences of his work, even those that might be foreseen. No retribution is exacted. It is pure coincidence that Ascanio Sobrero, who invented nitroglycerin, wound up being hideously scarred when it exploded in his face.

5. I suspect it is by design that this birth coincides almost precisely with the birthday of the man said to be My only begotten son. Indeed, the Raelian creed suggests that it was through alien cloning that Jesus was resurrected. I am not offended by this, but, for the record, you are wrong. Without getting into the merits of conflicting theologies, I feel I should point out that it seems apparent to many that He died for your sins and was resurrected by Me for your salvation, and, indeed, will be coming back.

Heíll have a clipboard, if you get My drift.


Email This Page