I’m a 24-year-old woman, and I am considering buying a toy or massager of some sort for my self-pleasure. However, I am confused about what options are available, and I am not sure where to start. I’m not sure if I should get a toy which can be inserted in my vagina or if I should focus on getting a clitoral toy first. It is also a big investment for me at the moment, so I want to make the right one. Please suggest what you think would be a good beginner toy.

Best,

Tina

Dear Tina,

It is completely valid to be confused about your options! We have been blessed by the new wave of Indian start-ups that offer a wide variety of massagers for self-pleasure for people with vulvas. There are so many options out there, and I hope to help you make sense of them. And no, you don’t have to insert anything into your vagina unless you want to!

It’s all in the specs

As you look through specifications, you may want to explore what exactly you are looking for. Are you looking for a toy that looks realistic like genitalia or are you okay with a more gadget-like look? Do you care about aesthetics? Does the size and sound matter to you so you can be discreet? Will you be able to recharge it easily or do you need a battery? Do you want one that is more artsy looking? Are you hoping to find a toy that is easy to use for your range of mobility (e.g. does it come with a handle?).

Look for a good battery life, variety in the types of patterns the toy offers, and its other features — really get into the specs. Most importantly, check whether it is waterproof. Waterproof toys allow for appropriate use of lubricants and cleaning.

Bite the Bullet 

The cheapest, smallest, and simplest vibrators are bullet vibrators. Typically designed only for outer, clitoral stimulation, they are great to store among your make-up kit and even come designed to look like lipsticks or jewelry. Cheaper bullet vibrators are available on Amazon with no-brand names for as low as Rs 500 rupees, but please check for body-safe silicone and note these may not last very long. They range upwards to Rs. 2500, like Domina by PeeSafe’s ‘Handheld Full body massager’.

Bullet vibrators and finger vibrators can be a good beginner toy because they usually offer simple vibration modes, don’t require a lot of precision in usage and usually can’t be penetrated too deep (or at all, depending on the size). They can be a great addition to any exploration you may already be doing with your hands.

The clit’s it

As you may remember from our piece on vaginal masturbation and pleasure, up to 98 per cent of people with vulvas require some sort of clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This means that you can have a lot of fun — and climax — from a clitoral vibrator alone!

The most classic clitoral vibrator is the wand massager Shutterstock

The most classic clitoral vibrator that has stood the test of time is the wand massager. It is a large toy with a vibrating bulb mounted on a long handle. This one is almost an OG, old-school design, which is especially great if you have a little bit less flexibility/mobility or for any reason at all, cannot comfortably reach your clitoris for stimulation.

Clitoral massagers come in many shapes and sizes. You should find the one which feels most ergonomic and comfortable for you to use. For instance, MyMuse makes a Palm — a flat toy which can be placed in the centre of your palm. Leezu’s Love makes a Hulchul and ThatSassyThing makes a Salty massager that resembles a mini-wand or salt shaker.

Toys that suck the most

The most advanced technology, the star of the show, is the suction technology that has graced many a toy. Dubbed “air pulse” technology by some pioneering brands, it is a simple mechanism that creates a suction feeling instead of a purely vibration feeling. These can get INTENSE, and tend to be a FAVOURITE once you figure out how to exactly make them work for you!

These require a good helping of lubricant, along with a clear understanding of where your clitoris is — spoiler alert, it’s the spot that feels the best when one of these toys is on them.

Nearly every great personal massager brand I know makes them, with slight variations in design, intensity, and price. Leezu’s Love makes one named Pyaari that has a vibrating end to give you a 2-in-1 experience. MyMuse’s Breeze design is simple, intuitive and perhaps offers the most range I’ve seen, with the modes ranging from low to high intensity. ThatSassyThing’s Lit is a small one — possibly the easiest to hide — and offers a range of gentler suction in case you’re more sensitive down there. And if you’re going for aesthetics, you should check out MsChief’s Solo Bunny or Sassiest’s Monrose.

“G-spot” and other longer toys

If you’re someone who’s explored clit stimulation and you know that you need deeper, internal stimulation, there are a myriad of options designed to go deep, and hit the inside walls of your vag in ways that get you going. The ‘g-spot’ is a spot inside the upper vaginal wall which is supposed to be more sensitive than other parts of the vagina. However, it has been debunked that this is a single mythical point to be found but is in fact a way of indirectly reaching the clitoris internally. Some toys are designed pointed slightly upwards to hit this exact spot, like MyMuse Groove.

Dildos

Some non-mechanized, non-vibrating phallic toys are designed for inserting into the vagina. These can come in a variety of materials, like glass, metal, silicone, and even crystal! Washing and caring for each material appropriately is especially important for safe internal use. These dildos can be a fun addition to the bedroom alongside vibrating clit-focused toys. For those who have sex with other people with vulvas, dildos with a harness can serve as great ‘strap-ons’ for penetrative intercourse. Some people enjoy using dildos for pegging (anal intercourse with people with penises), but please remember to only use dildos with a flared base for safety reasons.

Dildos can come in a variety of materials, like glass, metal, silicone, and even crystal Shutterstock

But… I want it all!

If you want a toy that will be both a clitoral and insertable stimulator, check out the ‘rabbit’ toys that come with a vibrator right around where the clitoris is, and an insertable dildo. Their fixed size and shape make it difficult to customise the exact spots you may want to hit.

However, the best way to customise a clit and vag experience is to use two toys (one for the clit and one for the vag) at the same time! Or pair one of the two along with some hand-based rubbing or fingering.

‘Rabbit’ toys are so named because of the ‘rabbit ear’ like design of the clitoral stimulator in the toy Shutterstock

While this list is a place to start, you can also explore more kink and BDSM-focused toys (e.g. handcuffs, blindfolds, nipple clamps), and toys for anal pleasure (which work for people of any gender!). And as you get comfortable with using massagers for solo pleasure, you may want to also use them along with a partner… and perhaps get your partner their own toys as well for some added adventure.

Wishing you all the best as you embark on this journey!