Heartbreak helpline: Rinpas in Ranchi
Starlet Jiah Khan, whose roller-coaster relationship with fledgling actor and star son Sooraj Pancholi allegedly made her choose the noose in June, wasn’t the only woman suffering from a broken heart.
Like her, many urban women within the ages of 16 and 30 — sometimes even more — are slipping into depression and developing suicidal tendencies because their boyfriends have rejected them for not being “marriage material”.
Ranchi Institute of Neuro-Psychiatry and Allied Sciences (Rinpas) considers this to be a burgeoning problem.
Nahida (name changed), a bank employee, was dating a colleague for a year. They attended events and parties as a couple. But when she wanted him to meet her parents to fix a marriage date, her boyfriend backed out, calling her a “good friend but not marriage material”.
A severely depressed Nahida became defocused at work and made, in her words, “a terrible mistake at the bank due to concentration loss”.
Her parents brought her to Rinpas for counselling and medication.
Of the 1,500 women patients Rinpas attends to, some 100 to 150 suffer from relationship problems.
“Parents of patients bring them primarily for treatment of a symptom without disclosing their past. Experts, on probing, find broken relationships to be the root cause of the troubles. The manifestations vary from person to person,” Rinpas director Amool Ranjan told The Telegraph.
He added that many patients spoke of being dumped by their boyfriends for “not conforming to typical marriage-material standards”.
“Both men and women suffer after break-ups. But not being marriage material is a derogatory term men use for women. They say so because they perhaps look for homely wives. But if someone is an outgoing career woman, and is jilted for not being seen as marriage material, she suffers from a crisis of identity. We counsel them to regain their confidence,” said Ranjan.
“Aspirations are often contradictory, leading to decline in values such as respect and trust,” he added.
Often, a man may like to hang out with a smart, good-looking career woman, but prefer an arranged marriage with a traditional gharelu girl.
In extreme cases, it becomes the case of “being good enough to bed but not to wed”.
The man may not understand to what extent his double standards may scar his “good friend”.
Understanding that the need of the hour is to strengthen values, Rinpas on Monday evening held a workshop on “strategy development on effective implementation of Umang, an adolescent helpline”. The meet, in which academics also took part, was hosted jointly by social welfare, women and child development on Rinpas premises.
Do you think this male double-standard smacks of their own insecurity?