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Since 1st March, 1999
 
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CIMA Gallary

RESOLUTIONS TO BREAK

This above all

In my diary, I came across something I had scribbled on the last page some months ago. It read: “God mystic in night, wake up bright in the morning light, and do what is right, with all my might.” It sounded like a New Year resolution. In the 97 years of my life, I have made many resolutions on New Years’ eves but failed to keep them beyond a few days. The commonest was not to bear malice towards anyone or to write malicious pieces about them in my columns. It did not last more than a week as my column is entitled, “With malice towards one and all.” Malice provides me with my livelihood. So far I have got away lightly with whatever I have written. A couple of people took me to court but did not pursue their grievances against me. I have never been fined or put behind bars. Only one judge of a high court ordered my appearance before him as he felt I had maligned him. He threatened to send me to jail if I did not apologize to him. That was at the height of summer and I could not bear the thought of spending some months or days in jail. So I readily tendered an apology. Let me assure my readers that I bear no ill-will against anyone. If I look down upon anyone — mainly politicians — I keep my contempt for them to myself. I promise to stick to the rule for the rest of my life. I am over 97 and have not very long to go. I wish all my readers a very happy New Year for years to come.

Dead end

Night is falling, to home they all

head

The roads are unsafe so everyone’s

read

Young and old do it daily, hoping

‘twill be alright

God keep us safe, they all pray, let

there be light!

Sunday the sixteenth, the night that

tragedy befell

Six young men did it — may they just

rot in hell!

A young lady of twenty-three and her male friend

Rode home in a bus but

landed in a dead end!

She was brutalized and raped, both thrown out of

the bus

Those six men who did it,

their heads full of pus!

Hell has since broken loose, there’s

yelling and crying

Everyone wants justice, and for that,

the public’s trying.

A woman is raped, Yes, it happens,

twenty minutes intermittent

When daughters and brides are

burnt.

Not, I think, very infrequent!

Who are the families? Of child girls circling seven times the bridal fire,

We hear this daily, why are no tears shed? Are these not cause for ire?

When such things happen, shouldn’t hair be torn, calls made for

action?

Neither politicians, police nor governments can give

us much traction.

They just pass laws, set up systems, they prevent ill

occurrence;

One change in people, homes, thinking too, will provide

true deterrence!

(Courtesy S.J. Nazareth, Nagpur)

Mustard fields forever

Gursham Singh, who was senior agricultural advisor to the UN, was posted in Baghdad. He found that the climate and soil of Iraq are very suitable for the cultivation of mustard that was not being done. And he pioneered the cultivation of rapeseed, a special variety of mustard, in Iraq.

Soon it became a joke in international agricultural circles that Gursham Singh has introduced rape in Iraq.

Important questions

Qs: Identify 3 C’s fast spreading in India.

Ans: Cricket, Corruption, Cancer.

Qs: Identify 3 P’s confronting India.

Ans: Population, Poverty, Power shortage.

Q: Identify 3 E’s India should lay stress upon.

Ans: Economics, Education, Environment.

Qs: Identify 3 M’s every Indian wants to possess.

Ans: Money, Mobile, Motor car.

Conjugal symmetry

Qs: What terminology have drinking men devised to describe big and small peg?

Ans: Amitabh Bachchan and Jaya Bachchan Peg.

Power prayer

Qs: What new thing have school children included in their morning prayers?

Ans: That there be no power grid failure.

(Contributed by K.J.S. Ahluwalia, Amritsar)