Alisa @AlisaDoolati Crouching Bengal Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Sunday, September 9

7.30am: Morning is mine. Why I am up so early then? Screw the snooze button. It’s time for more real sleep.

9.04am: Coffee in hand, day is upright again.

9.25am: Self defence tip #55 — talking too much may be injurious to health. #NoteToSelf

10.45am: Showered and bathed, time to meet @varun_vamp for a continuation of Project Floor DefCol. Hate makeovers!

10.47am: @Calm_Kamila Thank you! I think I look great too. But @varun_vamp begs to differ.

@varun_vamp: You are a thin girl in fat girl clothes. Not to mention those small town kurtis which are so over and done with!

10.50am: @varun_vamp If you must insult me, can you please do it in person? BTW, I have lost 17.8kg and am frickin’ proud of it!

10.52am: At least I am a fitness instructor who proves it can be done! 3 more kilos to go!

@varun_vamp: Am getting a little teary at the thought of your ugly duckling transformation story. Not. Can you please leave already?

11.15am: Stuck in bleeding traffic.

11.45am: Only an hour left to do some power shopping that will make all the DefCol waifs quake in their Louboutins!

12.45pm: Quick lunch at #CafeDiva. @varun_vamp can glare at me all he wants, I’m still getting the chocolate torte!

1.10pm: Like to remind @varun_vamp I will spend three hours sweating while he will spend three hours drinking pretty pink drinks @HrithiksPecs.

@varun_vamp: Some of us don’t have to work so hard because we were #BornThisWay.

@HrithiksPecs: Are you two tweeting about each other while sitting across a table? Lame, dudes.

1.13pm: Not as lame as @HrithiksPecs and @varun_vamp will look with their pretty pink drinks.

2.57pm: Afternoon shift doesn’t start as late in the afternoon as I’d like.

3.15pm: Boss says other instructor has called in sick. Back to back classes this evening! Glass of sleepy-making wine at lunch — big mistake!

6.23pm: Day just got better! BabeMagnet from down the street is now in the lobby. Wonder what he is doing here? Checking up on his investment?

6.25pm: Looking insanely hot in black T and black loose tracks.

6.32pm: He’s warming up now. Lean but sculpted. These glass walls are distracting— and will get me fired one day.

6.55pm: Yikes! He has just walked into my Muay Thai class. Am all sweaty and quite possibly stinky!

8.07pm: Smiles as he leaves. Hardly even out of breath. Show off.

8.33pm: Comes back and asks whether I do private classes! Arrgh!

@varun_vamp: What did you say?

8.41pm: Yes, of course. Couldn’t mention money though, given that he OWNS the damn place!

@varun_vamp: Did he smell good?

8.46pm: Varun, take a cold shower. Want more details? Come over with a bottle of vino.

@varun_vamp: In Thailand they wear these little loincloth thingies when they box. Make that the uniform for private classes with hotties.

8.52pm: @varun_vamp: Bite me.

@varun_vamp: Never could figure out what that one meant.

8.55pm: Exactly what it sounds like.

10.11pm: Strange! Girl at gym pulls me aside. She is a TV producer. Wants me — ME! — to audition for a reality show of some sort. Aaaahh!

@varun_vamp: What is it called? Taming of the DefCol Shrew?

10.22pm: When I’m a celebrity you’ll regret your words. Will find out next week at audition. Very hush hush.

@varun_vamp: When you’re a celebrity, you’ll be begging me for so much fashion advice you’ll be on your knees.

10.41pm: @varun_vamp: When will you get a real job and stop harassing me? Goodnight, Varun. Goodnight, all.

Watch this space for Chapter III next week