Hey all-powerful Censor Board, aapko chuuuuu… banaya gaya hai! Come on, you sure shouldn’t have a problem with that line given you have passed an entire full-length feature peppered with such charming language. Where not a single scene is over without dialogues that sometimes rhyme, sometimes suggest and sometimes simply spell out the unmentionables. Where even innocuous signboards read “Cumless Bhai”and “La Whore Da Dhaba”.
You think The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is too bold for Indian audiences but it’s okay if a man runs around shouting ‘di**s’ ‘di**s’ in every scene because he can’t pronounce ‘disc’. And if that wasn’t driving home the point a different character altogether cannot pronounce ‘suit’ and so he keeps saying you-know-what!
You think that showing a film where a girl is sexually abused and she taking revenge by giving the man a taste of his own medicine is offensive for Indian audiences. But how can it possibly offend women if a girl is shown having a wardrobe malfunction and the guy says it’s a fall collection and that the twin towers have been first sighted after 9/11?
You make it mandatory to show that no animals are hurt during shooting and blah blah but it’s perfectly all right to show pugs mating on screen. In fact you have no objections with scenes and lines that are racist, with scenes and lines that make fun of other films, with scenes and lines that make a mockery of other stars. Sample: “Main hoon BraOne… dharti ki auraton ko support dene aaya hoon!”
And let’s not even get started on the infuriating gay jokes you happily pass. Taking a dig at homosexuality and homosexuals has anyway become such an easy device to crack a limp joke in Bollywood movies and this one really thrives on such crass irresponsibility. And Dostana, of all films, is held up as an example to explain same-sex relationships.
A lot of midnight oil must have been burnt by the writer (Sachin Yardi, also the director), though, to come up with phrases and words that say everything and yet supposedly say nothing to the Censor man. Like someone is called Rose Mary Marlow, which is unfortunately not written but spoken in a Hindi twang. And then in a scene they keep
saying ‘macho doonga’, just that the pause is not in the space between the words!
If everything above sounds nauseating to you, stay far far away from any screen showing Kyaa Super Kool Hain Hum. Like the couple who walked out a little after interval at a Friday morning show in Fame (South City). And if everything above sounds a lot of fun — just like those SMS jokes in your inbox — do watch this new Bollywood release of the week. Like the gang of boys who were rolling on the floor laughing.
And hey you Censor Board, speaking in the language of the film, which you so very approve of, please get some sense on board! Kool?