Every Republic Day morning and every evening of the Beating Retreat ceremony, I ask myself: “Are these displays, which must cost our exchequer many crores, worth their while?” They are the same year after year. The personnel change, the pattern of display remains the same. Nevertheless, I remain glued to the television on the mornings of January 26. So do most people I know.

There is a notable contradiction in our character. We like India to be known as the Land of Gandhi; we also want to show the world all the weapons we possess and what we can do to those who cast their evil eye on us. After flexing our muscles, we invoke the blessings of Bapu as an afterthought, and end the tamasha by playing his favourite hymn, “Lead, kindly light.”

India is not the land of Gandhi, it is the land of humbuggery. Most of us, including myself, are humbugs.

Something rotten

In the last year, while some States have had bumper harvests of foodgrain, many others, including India, faced acute shortages of food, and people went hungry.

Our methods of storing grains are outdated. We continue to use metal containers, gunny bags and warehouses. Grains rot in these and become food for insects, rats and worms. We do not use the modern storage method called the ‘vacuum poly system’, by which grains can be stored in the open for five to 10 years without any loss.

Many countries of the world, including the United States of America, Canada, Brazil, China and almost all European countries, use this method.

I learnt about this from a detailed proposal by one Ashok Chawla, who has sent me a copy of a letter he has addressed to the prime minister and the minister for agriculture, Sharad Pawar.

Fair and handsome

I have been all over the town
Met the king and the clown:
Don’t be despondent, do not frown
The prices of essentials will
come down.
Be it vegetable, fruits or tea
Or the price of transport,
tuition fee
Or humble jaggery, pulses
or ghee
The prices are headed fast
to a level
Where they are fated to be—
A level that Pawar wills and
for which
The traders love to hoard
But you and I cannot afford.
But what of that?
Eating will only make you fat;
So do not take a view low and dim
Fast, instead, three days a week
And remain handsome and slim.

(Courtesy: Kuldip Salil, Delhi)

Point taken

I was once travelling from Rohtak to Gurgaon in a roadways bus. The conductor was quite agitated and grumbling after having a tiff with a passenger over the counting of change. His loud declaration was: “I don’t care for anybody, even if he is the owner of many factories. I don’t care for anybody, even if he is the owner of a fleet of cars. I don’t even care for the chief minister of the state.”

I could not but ask him, “Dear friend, you seem to have a gift of the gab. Can you tell me the source of your strength?” At this, he said, “The chief minister is no match for me. He distributes 90 tickets once in five years whereas I distribute 500 tickets daily of my own accord. Now you can measure the difference.”

(Contributed by Ram Niwas Malik, Gurgaon)

Test case

In the US, they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it to different countries for a test.

In the US itself, in 30 minutes the machine caught 20 thieves. In the UK, in 30 minutes it caught more than 50 thieves. In Spain, in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves. In Ghana, in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves.

But in India, they caught nobody. Within 15 minutes, the machine was stolen.

(Contributed by Vipin Buckshey, Delhi)