I am 14. I love a girl in my building but I am scared to ask her out because if she gets offended she might tell all my friends.
Name and address witheld
Son, all of us whove lived in buildings have faced the same problem: so always seek out girls in the opposite building. I used to live in Jassal House in Calcutta which had very pretty women but the women in the opposite building Shalimar House were prettier and thats where Id cast my bait. You achieve two things: the girls in your building will be so jealous theyll surrender to every wish of yours, and the girls in the opposite building out of sheer gratitude will surrender too. Two birds in the opposite building are better than one in your own son.
My parents hate my boyfriend. Theyve even beaten him up but he still wants to be with me. Please help.
Just ensure they keep beating him up. Out of mere remorse, one day theyll accept the wimp on the grounds that if he is such a succour, then hell obey every wish of yours. By the way, can you arrange for me to meet your parents. Theres a plu-mber in Delhi who I want beaten up and I dont mind telling your parents that he fancies you. Your parents seem so sweet and gentle that I plan to suggest their names for Principalship of a tony school in Calcutta which doesnt believe in corporal punishment. Your dad could run the Boys School while your mother could run the Girls School.
My girlfriend is being forced to marry against her wishes. Ive promised to save her. Help.
Name and address withheld
You were silly to make promises that you cant keep. Now this is what you should do. Ring up her fiancé and tell him that she and you are a number and that she even had an abortion off you but out of propriety you cant tell the family. Just keep the message crisp and brutal and watch how quickly this engagement melts son. And obviously never tell the girl you did this. And warn the fiancé that if he ever says youre the whistleblower, youll kill him. This way itll all end happily unless of course the boy doesnt care about false pregnancies son?
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