I am a 23-year-old man. I become hyper whenever my girlfriend is not around. We talk over the phone all the time. But whenever she is with friends, I feel she ignores me and we end up fighting. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

I suggest you start carrying a photograph of hers and if that is too much of a bother, then carry an oxygen mask and a box full of medicines because you’re headed either for jail or the hospital or perhaps both. Look, this whole thing of being deeply in love with your girlfriend is crap. My advice is be as normal as you can because in any case given the kind of dolt you are, this woman is mad to be with you for very long so you will be alone and seeing you beaten up is not going to be a pretty sight for any of us.

I am a 20-year-old woman. I am attracted to a female friend. I keep seeing pictures of other females too. Is it wrong to be attracted to a female?

Name and address withheld

It is a crime. This is now legal in California. It is called gender neutrality also known as a common occurrence which many refer to as lesbianism. I have been told, on good authority that India too has its fair share of lesbians and very soon there may be a quota for them in India’s Parliament so you have very little to be either ashamed of or worry about. Enjoy the view, darling.

I am a 27-year-old married woman. I have started working recently. My mother-in-law keeps criticising me about ignoring household chores. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Nothing. Wait for her to get old and fall off the stairs and if you really want to hasten her death, just smile whenever she scolds you and then do precisely what you wish. These old hags hate it when you completely ignore their command and this only causes greater stress leading to a comfortable heart- attack post which you will embrace true happiness. So give it time, and good things will happen. In the meantime, irritate the hell out of her.

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park, Calcutta 700025
Ph: 24191174
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
For free help on alcoholism
Contact: Volunteers on line
Timings: 2.00 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free, anonymous and confidential tele helpline service giving emotional support for people who are depressed, distressed or suicidal.
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Monday through Saturdays

Society for positive atmosphere & related support to hiv/aids (sparsha)

AE-36, Rabindra Pally,
P.- Prafulla Kanan
Calcutta — 700 101
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529 9856.
Tele-counselling and face-to-face counselling on issues concerning relationships, sex education and free and confidential testing, counselling and information on HIV & AIDS

Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Fridays

Kornash (The lifestyle management school)

139B Rashbehari Avenue,
Calcutta — 700 029
Ph: 9830149919

Interactive sessions on personality enhancement, stress reduction, lifestyle management, behavioural modification for children, marital counselling and psychotherapy

Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.,
Mondays through Saturdays