I am a 40-year-old jobless man, living with my parents. I wish to keep a pet snake but my parents and my neighbours do not want me to do so. They resisted when I brought a garden snake home. How do I convince others regarding this?

Name and address withheld

Go to hell and bury yourself in a snake pit. Just because you are depraved and have manic habits, it does not mean society has to come to terms with you. Your neighbours are right. You are a goddamn lunatic!

I moved back to Calcutta from the US about a year back. I have a problem with the system of arranged marriage in the Marwari community. It’s tough to meet new people here. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

I agree. Just convert from a traditional Marwari to a mod Marwari and then do whatever it is that you wanted to do and everyone will pretend you are a normal sweet girl. That’s the way it works love. Do anything you wish and when it’s wicked, say you are a Punjabi (like I am) and if it’s noble then say you’re a Marwari. It is another matter that no one will ever believe you!

I am an 18-year-old girl. I have fallen in love with a 24-year-old electrical engineer. He proposed to me a few months back. Recently he has started ignoring me and is planning to get married to someone else. I am feeling very depressed. Please help.

Kamalika, via e-mail

Look, stop this drivel with me. I am no mushy joker here, so remember I am not going to offer my kerchief so that you can wipe your silly tears off. You have made two mistakes: never ever marry an electrical engineer. Look at their lives: they have to deal with circuits and screwdrivers. Do you ever think they will be normal? Second, never believe a man when he says he will marry you and by that logic when he says he won’t. When it will happen, you will know. Till then, enjoy the ride love. If you know what I mean!  

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park, Calcutta 700025
Ph: 24191174
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
For free help on alcoholism
Contact: Volunteers on line
Timings: 2.00 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free, anonymous and confidential tele helpline service giving emotional support for people who are depressed, distressed or suicidal.
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Monday through Saturdays

Society for positive atmosphere & related support to hiv/aids (sparsha)

AE-36, Rabindra Pally,
P.O- Prafulla Kanan
Calcutta — 700 101
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529 9856.

Tele-counselling and face-to-face counselling on issues concerning relationships, sex
education and free and confidential testing, counselling and information on HIV & AIDS

Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Fridays

Kornash (The lifestyle management school)

139B Rashbehari Avenue,
Calcutta — 700 029
Ph: 9830149919

Interactive sessions on personality enhancement, stress reduction, lifestyle management, behavioural modification for children, marital counselling and psychotherapy

Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.,
Mondays through Saturdays