Resolutions are meant to be broken. Agreed. But never can a new year begin without them, no matter how farfetched they sound. And as we look forward to a new calendar clinging to our damp walls, spirits remain high. This is a blessed country of blessed five-year plans. How much could you possibly achieve in just one year? So chill maar. Aur sun yaar. Bol diya to bol diya. Kis ka kya jaata hai!

Resolutions of some of our most beloved stars, in no particular order...

Aamir Khan

To set up a new salon in the new year. The Ghajini salon, to be inaugurated by Shah Rukh Khan. Every 100th customer to get 8-packs of shampoo!

Kareena Kapoor

A tattoo just under her nose, since Saif is the only word always on her lips.

Lalu Prasad

To cut the hair around his ears. “Baal bachche waala hoon bhaiya. Bachche toh bade ho gaye. Saath me baal bhi. Bachchon ka toh kuch kar nahin sakta. Chalo kaan ke baal hi katwa lete hain.”

Barack Obama

To paint the White House black. And declare the practice of hoarding black money legal. And to launch anti-fairness creams! After all, hum kale hain to kya hua, dilwaale hain!

Shah Rukh Khan

To finally tell the whole wide world the ‘Karan’ of his success.

Also to get an affidavit and change his name to SHAH RUKH NUMBER ONE KHAN!

George W. Bush

To plan a ‘shoe’-string lifestyle budget after retirement. And to also sing Mera joota hai Iraqi.

Manmohan Singh

To declare Singh is Kinng the national movie of the country!

(Not-for-sale DVDs to be autographed by Soniaji. And distributed amongst party workers.)

Mayawati

To never ever cut a birthday cake. To also mug up the song Chanda re chanda re...

Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee

To say ‘Tata’ to smoking and dedicate the ‘immortal’ sacrifice to Anbumani Ramadoss!

Mamata Banerjee

To keep the pressure on the government for those cursed 400 acres! And to also act as the protagonist in a sequel to Bimal Roy’s classic Do Bigha Zameen!

Ratan Tata

To finance a film called Mamata Ka Aanchal, to be produced by all displaced landowners and contractors in Singur!

Subhas Chakraborty

After the resounding success of the Maradona episode, to get Pele, Zinedine Zidane, David Beckham, Cristiano Ronaldo and Gostho Pal (posthumously) to the city for the shaarbik unnoyon of ‘soccar’!

Rakhi Sawant

TO JUST KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT!

(This public-interest initiative has been strongly recommended by the UN.)

Rahul Mahajan

To take Abu Salem’s permission before running after Monica Bedi.

Asif Ali Zardari

To start a game-show on Pakistani TV called Kya Aap Bhi Pakistani Hain?

Sourav Ganguly

To host biryani-eating competitions for all retired cricketers and beat them all.

(Coming up: Maharaj Biryani House at Biren Roy Road junction.)

Mahendra Singh Dhoni

To add some more ads to his kitty so that the sum of the total number of Test and One-Day runs in a year is less than the sum of the total number of ads shot in just a month! (‘Sum’ guys have all the luck.)

P.S. Products left to be endorsed: Bandar Chhaap Dantmanjan, Goo Goo Ga Ga toilet cleaner, Chanchal Chappal, Mahendra Amarnath ‘Bhakti Me Hi Shakti’ Agarbatti, etc.

Amitabh Bachchan

To write more and more blogs so that Ram Gopal Varma can make a film on it and call it BLOGBUSTER BACHCHAN! Also to offer package deals to producers — Ek Lo. Do Muft Pao.

Signboard outside his residence: Kripya ‘Prateeksha’ Kijiye. Aap Kataar Mein Hain!

Anjan Dutt

To make a sequel of his film Chalo Let’s Go based on the current unrest in the hills and call it Chalo Let’s Not Go!

Akshay Kumar

To demand at least a crore more than what Shah Rukh, Aamir and Salman put together would charge for a film. After all Singh is Kinng!

Harbhajan Singh

Never to call a spade a spade… And never to call a monkey SYMONDS!

Saif Ali Khan

To think Kareena, to talk Kareena, to dream Kareena, to smell Kareena, to obey Kareena, to live Kareena... Basically to eat, sleep, drink Kareena. (Burp, burp! some appetite, that!)

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