Mahendra Singh Dhoni

Name: Captain Cool (CC).

From: The youngest planet in the solar system — popularly known as Youngistaan.

Outfit: A bodysuit, all in blue. Dhoni is looking better than ever nowadays, so no danger of an unsightly paunch popping out. Dhoni will keep his true identity concealed, so he will have to wear a mask. Otherwise, just imagine the mobs that would get in his way when he was trying to save the day. That would never do.

Superhero style: Cool, smooth, confident. The smile and those piercing eyes will have the girls drooling despite the mask. His pug will be his intrepid sidekick.

Mean machine: Dhoni’s favourite Harley Davidson — only this one will be able to fly.

Favourite line: “Mind it!”

Modus operandi: The cricket field is where Mahi works his magic by day, but by night, he uses those safe hands for the greater good. The nurturing nature that he showed by giving Sourav the skipper’s cap in the final moments of Dada’s final Test was a sign of CC’s cover slipping — the cover that has thus far been concealing the hopeless do-gooder. He knows where crimes are being committed and where children are in distress, but he never uses his insight to learn where every ball will be bowled, where every shot will be hit — because that wouldn’t be fair, would it?

“But he will stalk the opposition by night, forcing the Australians to rethink their sledging strategies,” says college student Romit Ghosh.

Shah Rukh Khan

Name: Knight Rider.

From: The dark bylanes of Delhi.

Outfit: A Batman-style rubber bodysuit that preserves his six-pack well beyond what nature would allow. A cape in black and gold.

Superhero style: Arms stretched wide, the nonchalant flick of the head, the trademark smirk — SRK the superhero will be much like SRK the actor, SRK the man.

Mean machine: Shah Rukh will adopt all the gadgets Bond no longer has any use for. So his car will transform into a motorbike and also a helicopter and hovercraft. The name? KIT. (He’ll buy the rights for both his own name and the car from David Hasselhoff, who needs the cash, we are almost sure.)

Favourite line: I am the best, I am the best, I am the best.

Modus operandi: This is one superhero who doesn’t believe in concealment. He will be dashing, he will be daring, he will do it all before an audience. In fact, there will be a team of five cameras following him wherever he goes, whatever he does. He’ll do a good job, and will be great at rallying the troops when morale is down. He will read minds, especially when the Bachchans and Salman Khan are around. “Shah Rukh the superhero will turn all his competitors into hot actresses. That will finish off the competition and also give him more heroines to romance,” says advertising executive Faraz Khan. He is also ageless. “As Knight Rider, Shah Rukh will make sure that Kolkata Knight Riders wins Season II of the IPL,” smiles banker Amit Rastogi.

Sarah Palin

Name: Bird Brain II. The original Bird Brain is Dum Dum Dodo, the Birdbrain Superhero from Marvel Comics with an IQ of zip, zero, zilch. Palin, we daresay, fits the bill.

From: The great, big, wonderful country of Alaska. Oops, sorry, is it only a state?

Outfit: Red. Bright red. Skin tight. Unencumbered by anything as modest as a cape. She’ll hold on to the Tina Fey glasses. She will never be seen without lipstick.

Superhero style: She’s the happy huntress. Bang, bang, bang, thank you very much! Fluttering eyelashes and mouth wide open. Waves and winks. She’s searching for a new home — the White House, circa 2012.

Mean machine: A hockey stick for the hockey mom to Potter around on.

Favourite line: Gotcha!

Modus operandi: It is all in the wink. It is enough to erase from public memory the fact that she thought Africa was a country, a comedian was Sarkozy and she was the next VP of the US of A. She will use the next four years to fly around and educate herself on such critical issues like where Afghanistan really is and how much one can decently spend on clothes if one is not Paris Hilton.

“Having famously declared that she doesn’t know what the vice president does in office, we can only hope that the knowledge comes with her superhero status,” smiles software professional Aniket Joshi.

Abhinav Bindra

Name: Geek God or GG.

From: Earth. He is a self-made superman.

Outfit: A simple white tracksuit and his trademark silver-rimmed glasses.

Superhero style: Cool and understated.

Mean machine: A simple unassuming Ambassador. It is bullet-proof, of course.

Favourite line: Bull’s eye!

Modus operandi: The common man’s superhero. An ace shooter who participates in competitions by day and metamorphoses into a do-gooder by night. He will shoot for sure, but not to kill. He will stun his enemies with tranquiliser darts. He will work hard to ensure that many more Olympic golds come our way. “GG will reform supari killers and train them for the London Olympics,” smiles college student Tanushree Vaid.

Madonna

Name: Star Light.

From: The Moon.

Superhero outfit: Leather pants and cone-shaped bustier. Some things never change.

Superhero style: Oomph.

Mean machine: This one flies.

Favourite line: Give it 2 me!

Modus operandi: The Material Girl will make one hell of a superhero. Isn’t she one already?

Sexy, sassy and spunky, this wild-child will strive for a world without restrictions or regulations (if you know what we mean). They can dress the way they want to — or not. They’ll say what they want. They’ll believe what they want, too. “Most importantly, she will make sure that the censor board is abolished, thus ensuring no censorship of her music videos,” says media professional Niharika Sengupta.