Osama is thrilled. This man looks good.... Sounds good, too.O -S-A-M-A. O-B-A-M-A...! Just an ‘S’ and a ‘B’ here and there. We’re both black. And black is back! As for old boy George, it’s always better to have one in the hand (Barack) than two in the BUSH!

So what’s Obama loaded with? Vitamins, minerals, proteins, attitude? I wonder what else makes him the most powerful man on earth.

Ok. Our money’s mostly black.

We once had a hole of the same colour.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali was Black before he went Blue with Saawariya.

Thanks to the multiplexes, blackers are out of business.

Tintin and Land of Black Gold still remains one of my favourites (simply for that black ape right at the end of the story).

So is the man in the White House. Bonafide black!

Black coffee, Obama?

A couple of years black… err sorry… back, Anjan Dutt called me and offered me a role in his film The Bong Connection. I grabbed it with both hands (feet too). A Stuart Little of a role. One of those blink-and-you-miss-it types. But all said and done, I shall always be grateful to the man and I shall never forget the first line that he gave me in the movie…

“Black is beautiful. Denzel Washington is the sexiest man in Hollywood!”

Well for now, move over, Denzel. Washington’s gone to Obama!

There’s a murmur in the Vatican. They said Jesus will be back soon. Hey. What’s that choir song? Red and yellow, black and white... All are precious in his sight... So, where is the messiah? Where did he go? And where did he come from?

Ghoshbabu (caught on American surveillance satellite) jostles for space in a crowded bus and boasts to his awestruck daily-passengeri friends, “Arre, ei Obama toh ek shomoy ekhanei thakto. Bachcha boyeshe. Maalta Barrackpore-er. Tai toh oi naam. Aamar Tinku Mamar chhoto chhele aar toh ek shaathe Boys’ Club-er maathe kho-kho khelto. Last dekha Putuldir jonmodine. Tarpor toh America chole gelo. Je din airporte chharte gelam, shey din aamaar Gouri pishir chhoto meye Tutuler shey ki kanna!” He goes on. And they stay tuned.

The dignified Obama fumes...

For us Indians, the heart is where the Barack is... Message to the world from the Americans:

“Buri nazar-waale tera mooh kaala..

Wah Obama!”

(Try singing that with a firang accent.)

Almost 40 years before Akshay could stomp his feet and say Singh is Kinng, Martin Luther truly was. With his classic “dream” for Black Americans. Now with Obama at the helm of affairs, whether things will really change is as tough a question as asking when Singur will be back to normal!

But then, hang on. All our other problems do have solutions. Remember, we’re all a global village.

So have no fear.... Obama is here!

The reverent Obama smiles...

As for all those ‘down with American imperialism’-slogan-toting, Marx-quoting, jhanda-waala protesters in front of the American Center every now and then, currently “Obamar moton manush hoy na re!”

The composed Obama blushes...

Well, what if contracts are cancelled, what if trainees are retrenched, and what if outsourcing comes to a complete halt? Pat comes the next slogan from the Union, “Kaalo Obamar aaro kaalo haat bhengey dao, goonriye dao!”

The hassled Obama squirms...

You see, like him we’re black too but we’re Black INDIANS. Previously, they were red (Indians, though it’s not okay to call them that anymore). But we still are red... Quite strongly in Bengal. And with industries drying up faster than Thackeray’s tolerance, Bengal’s ‘in-the-red’ too!

My sense tells me that I should be aware of just two types of problems in the whole wide world — American and non-American! For the stupid common Indian, its either desi or bidesi... Simple.

And the common thread is COLOUR.

Ghoshbabu suggests, “Arre baba, the whole world should play Holi. Perfect method to mix all colours. Next year, let the United Nations declare Holi as National Festival of the World! One world. One grand occasion. Pass one resolution and make Obamada the brand ambassador of Holi. This was original idea from the Mahatma. Strangely, Godse did not approve (sigh).”

Many years later, Mandela also wanted to implement this. But sadly he could not. Poor chap got messed up in homely problems with Winnie. She was showing him colour (maane bou rong nichhilo)!

Obamada... Oh Obamada... You are the best option, guru. Next year, kindly dress up like Krishna, ask that Chaurasia fellow to teach you the baanshi, get famous director Quentin Tarantula (gulp!) to direct you in a Holi-wood film called ‘Holistically Holi’ and then just watch colour discrimination fade away successfully with flying colours!

The patient Obama simply blacks-out...

For the next few years, Obama shall get whatever Obama will want. Probably allowing him to represent the ‘true colours’ of mankind. But then, you and I ain’t Obama. And we’re not kind to man, either.

You see, fairness creams were never ‘fair’. And in case you believe that your skin colour is your hallmark, you’d better die, go to hell and be reborn ‘COLOUR-BLIND’!

BARACK ATTACK

• What will you call a Kali-worshipper in America?
Ans: O-bama khyapa!

• What is Obama’s theme song?
Ans: “Hum kaale hain to kya hua, ‘White House’-waale hain!”

• And what’s Joe Biden’s favourite Bollywood track?
Ans: “Sarah zamaana Palin ka deewaana!”

• What did Osama say to Obama after his victory?
Ans: Mu-BARACK ho!

Send your feedback and questions for Mir to t2mirspeak@gmail.com