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I am a 15-year-old girl. My father assaults me physically every night. I do not react out of fear and shame and pretend to be asleep. I am ashamed to tell this to my mother as I feel it would destroy their relationship. I simply cannot concentrate on my studies. To top it all, my Board exams are fast approaching. I am very depressed and feel suicidal at times. Please help.
Name and address withheld
Tell your mother right now and threaten police action to your father, that is the only way. The more you keep silent, the worse your father’s behaviour will be. He is a bloody rogue and needs to be punished and there is no better person to do this than you. You need to do this not just for yourself but to get him on the straight and the narrow. You will be doing him a service too.
I am an 18-year-old girl . My problem is that I can’t concentrate on my studies if there is someone else in the room. My mother is aware of this but still she keeps lingering around my room whenever I am studying. When I study at night, she prefers to sleep in my room. Due to this, I end up staring at my books blankly all night. My results are suffering due to this problem. What should I do?
Taru, via e-mail
Nothing. She is a goddamn freak and sadly she is your mother so you will have to grin and bear it and that to my mind is the only solution. Try and rearrange the furniture in your room so that she falls and fractures her hip but then what you will also have to worry about is whether she chooses your bed to recuperate. Life is tough, darling.
I am a 25-year-old woman. I’ve been reading your column since quite a few years, apart from various articles authored by you. I seem to have fallen in love with you. I keep thinking about you all the time. This does seem to be quite a gigantic problem, doesn’t it? What do you think I ought to do about my undying passion for you?
Name and address withheld
Send me your photograph; come visit me in Delhi, lets go for long walks and hold hands and get to know each other. Let’s talk about Tagore and Mamata; let’s revel in the fact that Mahua has now joined the Trinamul and imagine what our future together will be like. I love 25-year-olds. Twenty five is the right age and since I am no tutor, I will not take any undue advantage of you. So when do we meet, love?
I am an 18-year-old girl.My problem is that I am the only daughter and my parents have high expectations from me regarding my career. They want me to become an engineer, but I want to be an actress. I am quite beautiful and am pretty talented when it comes to acting. I am least interested in pursuing further studies. I am afraid to tell this to my parents as they will not allow me to opt for this career. They will scold me and force me to pursue a professional course instead. What should I do?
Karuna, via e-mail
Just run away to Mumbai and go and meet Subhash Ghai, he is the only godfather worth having and he is quite old so you just might be safe with him. If all else fails, then meet the Bengal equivalent, Rituparno (the man, not the actress) and see if he wants to work with you. You have no other option, darling!
I am a 40-year-old married woman. My husband is an NRI and works with an oil company. The problem is that my brother-in-law and my mother-in-law have asked him not to have a joint account with me. They have also told him not to trust me when it comes to money matters. He is easily influenced by his mother. They seem to be taking advantage of his sweet nature and spend his money worthlessly. Our relationship is falling apart due to their perpetual pestering. What should I do?
Shalini, via e-mail
Nothing. Just keep cursing the fact that you married a dolt and find some ingenious ways of spending his money. This whole joint account business is a bit dangerous and most Bengali men listen to their mothers in any case so you are pretty much done in whichever way you look. My suggestion is look at some other ways of earning your husband’s trust and live in the hope that you will outlive your mother-in-law so one day you will be able to spend your husband’s money!
I am a 28-year-old married woman. My husband has extra-marital affairs with a lot of girls. Due to this, I feel very insecure about my future and also my children’s future. I have decided to dump him. My parents are against this decision and want me to stay with him irrespective of the current situation. Please help.
Sheetal, via e-mail
No, you are not. You should be by his side. You should encourage him to do this even more. You are only 28. Your life is over so why do you expect more from it? What is there to be insecure? He is only unfaithful. This will give you an excuse not to fast on the next Karva Chauth. You should treat this as a noble quality residing in your husband. You dumb woman! Of course you should dump him and stick him for a huge settlement and before you break the news, direct an army of detectives on all that he does. Collate evidence and when you sue him, he should regret that he was even born a man. That will be true revenge. And at 28, you have the world ahead of you, darling.
I am a 19-year-old man. I have fallen in love with my friend. However, she is in love with a very good friend of mine. I am crazy about her and keep thinking about her day and night. Should I give up my love for the sake of friendship?
Name and address withheld
Not at all. Are you Raj Thackeray who sacrifices every Bihari for the sake of Mumbai? Is your name Sonia Gandhi who sacrificed the throne for Manmohan Singh only so that Singh would get all the blame and she all the credit? So why bother about the niceties in life. Just steal your brother’s wife or in this case, your friend’s wife. Think about it, you would lose one and gain another so its pretty much even right. Just do what you think is right. This world belongs to those who are evil. The honourable ones either sit in jail or belong to the Communist Party.
I am a 30-year-old man. A female colleague of mine sexually abuses me. I seriously want to retort, however I am scared whether anyone would believe me or not. I feel very depressed at work due to this. What should I do?
Name and address withheld
Look son, no one will believe you. Perish the thought and instead lie back and enjoy it. What sexual harassment are you talking about? You are lucky that you belong to a generation where this role-reversal takes place. All our lives, when we were growing up we waited to be harassed and we never were. So just enjoy this heady moment, it will not last ,son.
HELP AT HAND
Alcoholics anonymous
10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park
Calcutta 700025
Ph: 24191174
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
For free help on alcoholism
Contact: Volunteers on line
Timings: 2.00 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays
Lifeline Foundation
Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free, anonymous and confidential tele helpline service giving emotional
support for people who are depressed, distressed or suicidal
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Monday through Saturdays
Society for positive atmosphere & related support to hiv/aids (sparsha)
AE-36, Rabindra Pally,
P.- Prafulla Kanan
Calcutta — 700 101
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 64532836
Tele-counselling and face-to-face counselling on issues concerning relationships, sex education and free and confidential testing, counselling and information on HIV & AIDS
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Fridays
Kornash (The lifestyle management school )
139B Rashbehari Avenue,
Calcutta — 700 029
Ph: 9830149919
Interactive sessions on personality enhancement, stress reduction, lifestyle management, behavioural modification for children, marital counselling and psychotherapy
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.,
Mondays through Saturdays
Society for nature, education and health (sneh)
Flat — 2B, 48/1, Chakraberia
Road (North) Calcutta — 700 020
Ph: 2486 7404, 2486 1940
E-mail: sneh@cal2.vsnl.net.in
Psychotherapy for children, adolescents and adults suffering from behavioural and emotional problems
Timings: 10.00 a.m. to 5.00 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays
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