Men don’t cry. Men don’t read women’s magazines. Lies, damned lies

Boys don’t cry:

Saif Ali Khan sobbed in Salaam Namaste, making Priety Zinta burst into peals of laughter.

Tough Men Don’t Dance:

Busted long, long ago, when a surprised Scarlett ’Hara in Gone With the Wind exclaims: “Oh, you waltz so well, Captain Butler. Most big men don’t, you know.”

Men don’t gossip:

Narad, the god Narayan’s acolyte, was a one-man grapevine. But men are more subtle. “My husband often picks up a subject and then stops, leaving it to the women to carry on the gossip. He also notices more than me about what someone is wearing, carrying or doing,” says a young wife. And yes, among themselves, men gossip as much about women as women do about men — about dresses, looks, hairstyles and all that.

Men think about sex all the time:

Even Rhett Butler (forgive the repetition — he is our standard of the perfect man) told Scarlett ’Hara: “I wouldn’t have grudged him (Ashley) your body... But I do grudge him your heart and your dear, hard, unscruplous, stubborn mind.”

Men can’t handle babies:

The Kindergarten Cop has now turned a hit with kids. “I used to think my husband Sanjiv was a kid. He can’t stand injections and illness. He still can’t, but otherwise he can take very good care of our daughter Hiya. He can feed her, play with her and clean and dress her. I can even go out of town and leave Hiya with him,” says Somini Sen Dua, a public relations consultant.

Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With The Wind

Men like to be dark :

If they did there wouldn’t be a fairness cream exclusively for men — Fair and Handsome. “I receive many questions from men about tanning and how to lessen the effect. Especially in cases where they are getting darker than their normal skin complexion. They are also concerned about specific areas, like the neck which gets darker easily because of all the sweat. Even 45-year-olds are concerned,” says Bridgette Jones, beauty expert.

Men are the silent, brooding type:

If they are, they are old and passe. Like Amitabh Bachchan in The Last Lear, or Amitabh Bachchan in Black or Amitabh Bachchan in Nishabd. Not to mention the Amitabh Bachchan of Deewar and Mili. But things have changed with Raj (SRK) of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge and Raj (Ranbir Kapoor) of Bachna Ae Haseeno, Akash (Aamir Khan) of Dil Chahta Hai and Jai (Imran Khan) of Jaane Tu...Ya Jaane Na. Men who party, men who laugh and sing, and men who make you laugh and sing, are in.

Men are not scared of the dark:

The ladies who are scared of cockroaches and lizards, of moths and the dark, will smile. Some men are like them. “I am very scared of the dark. When I was first made to sleep alone I couldn’t sleep, and I would keep the lights on all night. It was only after dawn that I managed to get any sleep,” says Supratim Sen (name changed on request — trust a man!).

Men don’t read chick lits/women’s magazines/love rom coms:

If you have a glossy women’s magazine at home, you would know that the men finish it before you can. They do it, they say, just to know what the other half of the world is thinking about, but remain condescending.

Men are sloppy, untidycreatures:

“I live like a pig. In comparison, I know many men who are more finicky,” says Chandni Chatterjee, a media person. A case in hand is P.G. Wodehouse’s celebrated butler Jeeves. The “gentleman’s gentleman” is always shown to be as neat and ordered in person, as his mind is about his work. Then there is Kailash Chandra Roychoudhury, the old man in Rabindranth’s Thakurda, who though poor, is shown to be perfectly neat and clean, and keeps his house that way. “I don’t know why this myth. Many men like to be clean and ordered. I myself am. I hate untidy surroundings and am very conscious about my personal cleanliness too,” says Argha Bose, a 27-year-old.

Men make better bosses:

For every Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, there’s a crazy Utpal Dutt in Golmaal whose employees must sport a moustache, or the unduly demanding Aditya Panscholi in Yes Boss, who takes advantage of Shah Rukh Khan’s needs, to get him to win Juhi Chawla for him, at the same time managing his suspecting wife. At times, they may be completely clueless, or unduly sweet, especially if the junior happens to be a pretty young thing.

Men like lingerie:

Bridgette Jones (as in the one whose Diary is a bestseller) and women all over the world worry about wearing the right lingerie at the right time. But men don’t notice what women wear. It’s women who love lingerie.

Poulomi Banerjee
(What are the other myths about men? Tell t2@abpmail.com)

Myths about married women

The wifey is not always younger and shorter than the husband

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

The wife is younger:

Aishwarya Rai, 34, is married to Abhishek Bachchan, 31. Mother of three Demi Moore, 46, is married to Ashton Kutcher, 29. Sachin Tendulkar, 35, and Anjali Tendulkar, 41, have been married for 13 years. Films like Harold and Maude and How Stella Got Her Groove Back are about how hot a younger man-older woman relationship is. Mature men prefer maturer women. “I have always got along better with older women. What attracted me to my wife was her maturity,” says Bangalore-based entrepreneur Ayan Chatterjee, eight years younger than his wife, to whom he has been married for 20 years. Age cannot wither her. If it does, there’s anti-wrinkle cream.

The wife is shorter:

Cool men don’t mind being towered over. And Tom Cruise may have a fetish. Both Cruise’s current partner Katie Holmes and ex-wife Nicole Kidman have overshadowed him by quite a few inches — maybe a few feet. Rajpal Yadav had a problem with onscreen wife Rituparna Sengupta being taller than him in Main, Meri Patni Aur Woh, but in real life, the 5-ft-2 inch man has no issues admitting that his wife is significantly taller. “Someone has to be taller, right?” laughs the actor.

Married women nag:

What about Mr Wilson in Dennis the Menace? Doesn’t dad nag mom over his specs that he can’t find, over his lost wallet, over a mild 99-degree fever? What do you do when you are in the passenger’s seat and your wife’s driving? When you remind her again and again to pay the telephone bill, you’re being a nag. When you ask repeatedly for sex, you’re being a nag. Nagging is not the woman’s preserve.

Women don’t like their in-laws:

Contrary to what Ekta Kapoor has been trying to shove down our throats, many women get along fine with their in-laws. Malaika Arora Khan proudly declares that her mother-in-law calls her “sexy”. She may return the compliment to step-mom-in-law Helen. Less hot women qualify too. “My in-laws are chilled out and non-interfering. They love me like their own daughter,” smiles school teacher Preetha Roy Choudhury.

A married woman has it easy financially:

Humbug! Then no married woman would be working. “My earnings are as important towards running the house as my husband’s are,” says media professional Chandni Bhattacharya.

Malaika Arora Khan

A married woman is jealous of her husband’s women colleagues. Previously it used to be the secretary:

Not always. She doesn’t get paranoid if her husband goes out for a drink with a female colleague. She too goes out for a drink with her male colleague. At times, she can’t be bothered.

A married woman earns less than her husband:

In Pyaar Ke Side /Effects, DJ Rahul Bose earned Rs 30,000 per month while his fiancee Mallika Sherawat took home Rs 71,000. They got married and lived happily ever after (we presume!) Real men don’t mind women who earn more. They don’t have to bother about paying the bills anymore.

A married woman resists “hard-hard” drinks:

Wake up and smell the whiskey. Married women can like their Jack Daniels and Old Monk as much. And they like it strong or on the rocks. “I haven’t ever had anything apart from whiskey. Why should that change after marriage?” retorts interior designer Trisha Banerjee.

A married woman hates the other woman:

They can actually be good friends. Like Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon in Stepmom. Early this year, Beatles man John Lennon’s first wife Cynthia endorsed a book written by Lennon’s former mistress May Pang, even saying that Pang was a “wonderful, compassionate and caring woman”. (Though Yoko Ono has been silent about the other two.)

A married woman doesn’t get attracted to other men:

Then men couldn’t have so many extra-maritals.

Married women are fat:

Have you seen Victoria Beckham? Malaika Arora Khan? For others, it’s not fashion, but the rigour of staying married that makes them lose weight.

A married woman likes Amul Macho ads:

Never!

Priyanka Roy
(What are the other myths about married women? Tell t2@abpmail.com

Myths about love and shopping

Both are important areas of life. Both are misunderstood

Love at first sight:

The instant connection might be intense, overpowering and always celebrated in films, but it may take just a couple of subsequent minutes to discover that the other one picks his/her nose or is awfully possessive. But if there is someone you have known for a long time, and know that he/she picks his nose and/or is awfully possessive, and you think it’s still worth it, then you may just have chanced upon true love.

Love makes the world go round:

Love places you on the top of the world, on Cloud 9 or in seventh heaven. It is a universal force, which can move the coldest hearts, but it doesn’t control all aspects of geography. It doesn’t make the world go round. Love won’t pay your mobile bill or kick-start your career. It will not keep your partner from losing his or her temper. It will not even buy a round-the-world air ticket. Money does. All of the above.

Distance makes the hearts grow fonder...

…and the weary minds wander. You meet the man of your dreams and then bid a tearful goodbye till you meet again. But the loneliness starts getting to you and the passion begins to fizzle out and you stop feeling jealous even if you know that he has an unusually high percentage of women friends in the city where he is. Long distance can forgive everything. It means love is dead.

Carla Bruni and Nicolas Sarkozy

Love is blind:

No. Why did Nicolas Sarkozy choose Carla Bruni? Why do men love Pamela Anderson? Love is not blind. Eventually the eyes are pried open. Why did Paul McCartney divorce Heather Mills? It is another thing when you choose not to look.

Love means never having to say sorry:

After Bill Clinton, is this a question? After Shane Warne? Though we have not spoken to Mrs Hillary Clinton or Simone (the former Mrs Warne) in private.

Love is unconditional

No. The pre-nuptial agreement between actors Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, who are now married to each other, is said to have an infidelity clause from Zeta-Jones’s side. She gets to pocket a fortune if Douglas strays. It’s a win-win situation for her — no wonder she looks blissed out. They have two kids. They look happily married, ever after.

Mohua Das
(What are the other myths about love? Tell t2@abpmail.com t2@abpmail.com)

Rebecca Bloomwood from Confessions of a Shopaholic

Shopping is addictive:

Shopping is not addictive. Wrong medical term. It’s therapeutic. It lifts your spirit after a bad day at work, a fight with your boyfriend or beats the blues. It’s much like chocolate, without the calories. As a lady in the Milind Soman-starrer Rules: Pyar Ka Superhit Formula exclaims: “Of course pyaar mein dil toot te hain... isiliye to hum shopping jate hain, darling. (Of course there is heartbreak in love. That’s why we go shopping, darling.)” Only Milind Soman is better than shopping. Or is he?

Men don’t like shopping:

They have always shopped. For cars. And houses. Now they shop for fairness creams. “I like to shop. Earlier I used to spend a lot of time window-shopping to get the best bargain. Now when I shop, I just go to a good store and pick up what I need,” says Parag Garg, an orthopaedic surgeon.

Discounts are for real:

You get them before Poila Baisakh, before Pujas, Christmas, the year-end. You will probably get them on the occasion of the next India-Pakistan match too. But does the flat 50 per cent discount mean you save 50%? “I work with many brands so I know that discounts are not real. The concept is not to give a discount but clear out old stock. If a store is offering 20 per cent discount, the real discount will be only 5-7 per cent. They are usually given on things that were trendy last season,” says Paromita Ghosh, a public relations entrepreneur.

People are honest when they tell you where they bought something from:

“The true shopper never wants her stuff copied. She wants to be admired for her unique choice. So if asked where she bought something from, she will always offer a wrong name,” laughs Indira Saha, a 26-year-old.

Round-the-year shopping has affected festival buying:

People hang out at the malls, yes. They keep buying and buying, yes. But that doesn’t translate into less buying during festivals. The combined crowd of Puja, Id and Diwali shoppers at the markets now is proof enough of that. “The spending power has gone up. People buy through the year, but festivals are when the bulk of shopping is done. At least 20 per cent of our sales are done during the festivals,” says Shiv Daswani, partner, Little Shop.

Branded stuff is the best:

The malls have us hooked to branded stuff. But the really discerning shopper knows that brands are not always the best. “I don’t have the kind of time you need for street shopping. But there is more variety there than in a branded store, where you have 10 shirts of the same colour and style. And the prices are much lower on the street,” says Arijit Nag, a content developer.

Shopping alone is not fun:

We refer you to the handbook for every serious shopper, Confessions of a Shopaholic. Only once is Rebecca Bloomwood, the central character, shown shopping with someone. Why? Because it is a lot more peaceful. More important, your lengthening shopping bills will not have to compete with rising eyebrows.

One shops mostly for clothes:

Far from the truth. A dedicated shopper will buy anything to satisfy that craving. “My clothes shopping is mostly need-based. I always head for the skin care section first, especially now that foreign brands like Clarins and Clinique are available in Calcutta. Though I only use my Happyderm moisturiser,” says Devleena Chakraverty, a media professional.

Shop till you drop:

You don’t drop. You feel good.

Poulomi Banerjee
(What are the other myths about shopping?Tell t2@abpmail.com)

Myths about college

Campus is a place for study? Right. But you get to know it too late

Genelia D’Souza and Imran Khan in Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na

A college is a place with well-kept greens…

…and red brick buildings, pretty girls in sexy clothing (or in demure salwar kameez with their dupattas fluttering in the air) where the hip and happening break into synchronised song and dance. The only synchronised dancing that happens is on Rabindra Jayanti.

Everyone falls in love:

Raj and Tina (and Anjali) in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Ganjee-clad Raja and Madhu in a pink frock with flounces in Dil. Jai and Aditi in Jaane Tu...Ya Jaane Ya. Lies, lies and more lies. The pretty girls generally always have boyfriends before they join. Men are a minority in the Humanities section. In the engineering faculty, girls are a minority. And hip sexy numbers like Tina, if found, would be displayed in the museums.

You don’t have to study:

And pigs fly. And hell freezes over. And Rakhi Sawant’s cleavage is God-gifted and God isn’t a plastic surgeon. It’s such a myth that it should be written in all caps loudly in banners all over the campus, just so that you don’t die from panic attacks the day before exams. If you live, you repent later. Clever people are clever because they study and get recruited by top-rung finance firms.

You have a crush on an ageing/ middle-aged professor:

Most professors don’t talk like Woody Allen. Or look like Harrison Ford. So you hardly feel like inscribing “Love” on one eyelid and “You” on the other, and fluttering your eyelashes like the girl in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Although you might do it for the cute senior who checks you out sometimes. On second thoughts, you’d rather not.

You look good, hot and cool:

You don’t. You look like you. You look average and alright. A little better, thinner and hotter than what you will be 20 years later but that is about it.

Romeo and Juliet is a text always taught:

This is a no-brainer. It’s usually taught in school.

The canteen is a lovely place:

It is fun, but it’s not pretty. In one college in Calcutta, the walls are covered entirely by posters of various political parties. The tables are generally battered-down and rickety. And unlike in a certain cola advertisement, you cannot guzzle down someone’s drink with a long speech on the power of youth.

The only games played are antakshari and truth and dare:

Antakshari and Truth and Dare are played in duress, when there is absolutely nothing else to do. And there are always a lot of disinterested people singing half-heartedly. It is not an an over-the-top battle of the sexes, with song lyrics that double as dialogues, sung by 19-year-olds with voices of septuagenarians.

Bells:

Bells don’t ring in most colleges. The lecturer just consults his watch. Or another door opens.

When you go on an excursion, something (read: murder/ rape/ kidnap/ a haunted house) happens:

Your car has accidentally run over someone. And then you will forever be threatened by sinister messages saying I Know What You Did Last Summer. An apparently dead volcano will suddenly awaken. Or you will find yourself stranded, with nowhere to put up for the night except a haunted house. The whole night, mystery music will play in the background. Nothing of that sort generally happens. Instead, you travel a lot in second-class compartments, stay up nights talking and count every paisa. It’s a lot of fun, though.

Thick glasses hide brilliance:

Like Dexter. Or Dilbert. Or Dilton. If they have thick spectacles and have oiled slicked back hair they must be brilliant. Or as in Revenge of the Nerds, they effortlessly top exams. But sometimes the bespectacled are just average.

There is a college prom:

Live bands playing slow numbers. Young women in low-cut evening gowns. The young men in tuxes. Everyone is drinking spiked punch. But unfortunately on Indian campuses there are no proms. Only reunions, which make you feel old, old, old.

Malini Banerjee
(What are the other myths about college?Tell t2@abpmail.com)