I am a 23-year- old woman. I am into a relationship for quite sometime now. But my boyfriend and I are distant cousins. My parents have accepted this fact but I don’t know how his parents will react when they hear of it. Should my boyfriend talk to them now or should we wait?

Manisha Chetri, via e-mail

Do I know that rogue’s parents better or do you? Are they my goddamn relatives or are they yours? Are you the one indulging in incest or am I? Am I part of your really sleazy and debauched family or are you? Have I proposed to my cousin that I should have experience in the matter or have you? Think about it. Rattle your tiny bird brain and you will have all the answers. I am not surprised your brain has regressed. Inbreeding often does this!

I am a 19-year-old student from Assam. I am crazily in love with my teacher. I find her very attractive and love attending all her classes. She prefers me over all the other students but I am not very sure whether she likes me or not. I have had many sleepless nights thinking about her. This is hampering my studies. Please help .

Priya, via e-mail

Look, I prefer Nivea over Pond’s but does that mean I am in love with Nivea? I prefer Ulfa to Tarun Gogoi but does that mean I am in love with the Ulfa? I love Mamata Banerjee compared to the devil so does that mean I am in love with her? Your teacher only prefers you over the other blokes but has she ever told you she is in love with you? Don’t ever assume a woman’s love. It will destroy your very being!

I am a 17-year-old boy. For the past two months, I have a huge crush on a girl who studies in the same tuitions as I do. But the problem is that I am not fair but the girl is very fair and good looking. Hence I am scared to approach her and talk to her. At the moment she does not have a boyfriend. How should I approach her?

Name and address withheld

Every time you are at the tuitions, eat a whole tube of Fair and Lovely and see if that will help. Obviously you oaf, you need to concentrate on your studies. What is going on with your generation? Either your tutors are seducing you or you guys are seducing each other. Why on earth were we deprived such an exciting education?

I am 15-year-old boy from Ranchi. I have been in love with one of my classmates for the past one year. However, for the past one month, she has started avoiding me. Moreover, she has started hanging out with a 25-year- old man. For this reason, I stay depressed all the time. What should I do?

Saurabh, via e-mail

Ranchi and love? It makes me laugh but then even Ranchi can have Romeos. Look son, women all over the world prefer older men and even though Ranchi may be a truly strange place, not everything is insane about Ranchi which is why please do come to terms with the fact that this girl may after all want an older man. You in turn should learn to shave and then think about women, son.