Host: Amitabh Bachchan

Why: He wants to be the quizmaster again

Most likely to wear: Reid & Taylor (it’s a tie-upyy, silly!)

Most crestfallen about: RGV going out and directing two films without him

Most coy about: Rekha staying on, for five weeks

Most likely to say every week: “Unlock kiya jaaye?”

YUVRAJ SINGH

Why: When Team India is playing Tests, poor Yuvi has very little to do.

Most likely to wear: Kurta and silk lungi or gym gear for Punjab da puttar.

Most likely to do: Give that famous silly smile, workout in the gym, go dancing in the compound and do the ‘shadow’ of his six sixes to bowl the maidens over.

Most likely to be with: Deepika Padukone. But as days go by, most of his pillow talk will be with cricket guru Mandira Bedi.

Most likely to say: “Bachna ae Ranbir, main aa gaya…”

Least likely to do: Sing Mahi vey to Deepika.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about him: Chhakka.

Most likely to last for: Four weeks. Because the voting public loves Yuvi — and his different strokes. But they will soon see through this himbo and hoot him out.

DEEPIKA PADUKONE

Why: Between two big films, a Bigg Boss outing is prescribed.

Most likely to wear: Designerwear, a nice mix of gowns, skirts and saris. And yes, a bikini in the pool as soon as she goes into the danger zone.

Most likely to do: Cook up a storm in the kitchen, giving everyone a taste of her upma. She will dance, OSO-style and prance badminton-style.

Most likely to be with:Yuvi initially but once he gravitates towards bat-ball Bedi, she will seek out brainy Tata.

Most likely to say: “I am so happy here.”

Least likely to do: Take beauty tips from Mallika.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about her: Lambu (not to be confused with the show host).

Most likely to last for: At least seven weeks. Deepika will be one of the favourites given her pretty poise.

NAVJOT SINGH SIDHU

Why: No one else wants him anyway.

Most likely to wear: Rainbow-coloured turbans.

Most likely to do: Try in vain to orchestrate talks between Ratan and Mamata through a Nano Laughter Challenge, be the interpreter for all interactions between Lalu Prasad and Monica Lewinsky, get caught in the crossfire between Mallika and Mandira, crack 60 Sidhuisms a minute.

Most likely to be with: Ram Gopal Varma. They deserve each other.

Most likely to say: Too much for us to reproduce here.

Least likely to do: Tell Yuvraj, “I was a better chhakka-hitter than you, beta.”

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about him: Ha-haji.

Most likely to last for: Two weeks. In the first week he will be a riot; in the second week he will be insufferable.

RAM GOPAL VARMA

Why: He needs to be locked up.

Most likely to wear: A black T-Shirt with Phoonk written on it.

Most likely to do: Make black coffee for himself, drink it slowly, phoonk by phoonk, sit in a corner and observe everybody, especially Sidhu and Rekha.

Most likely to be with: Himself. Occasionally with Sidhu, once with Rekha.

Most likely to say: Nothing.

Least likely to say: Anything.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about him: Sholay.

Most likely to last for: One week. Will create Bigg Boss history by opting out of the house — and make two films on his experience inside by the time the show is through.

REKHA

Why: She has nothing else to do.

Most likely to wear: Kanjeevarams by day, kanjeevarams by night.

Most likely to do: Be lost in main aur meri tanhayee, be confused about whether she finds Ratan Tata or Hillary Clinton more attractive,

be brave enough to have coffee with Ramu and urge him to make a film with Him and Her called Sarkar Rani.

Most likely to be with: Herself.

Most likely to say: “Yeh kahaan aa gaye hum...”

Least likely to do: Give Mamata beauty tips.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about her: Silsila.

Most likely to last for: Five weeks. Will miraculously survive being voted out for four weeks; will finally be evicted amidst careless whispers of host-fixing!

MALLIKA SHERAWAT

Why: She has been eyeing the house ever since Rakhi Sawant went berserk in there.

Most likely to wear: The bare minimum. (The blur sign used for cigarettes now will be used on the inflammatory parts of Mallika, apart from her mouth.)

Most likely to do: Seduce Yuvraj, engage in catfights with Deepika, have long chats with Monica, tell Lalu that he is India’s Jackie Chan...

Most likely to be with: Monica Lewinsky.

Most likely to say: “People aren’t turning on the TV to see me in a burqa.”

Least likely to do: Be accused of wearing too much.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about her: Anarkali/Jackie.

Most likely to last for: Eight weeks. Even if she is evicted, the wild card entry will bring her back. She is indispensable for the TRPs.

MONICA LEWINSKY

Why: Why not?

Most likely to wear: Short skirts.

Most likely to do: Take notes. Stare at Ratan Tata with a curious gleam in her eyes every time he is in a suit.

Most likely to be with: Mallika Sherawat.

Most likely to say: “Has the Bigg Boss Bill been passed?”

Least likely to do: Get friendly with Hillary Clinton.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about her: Kill Bill.

Most likely to last till: As soon as she realises that the house isn’t oval.

LALU PRASAD

Why: The one man who can fetch more TRPs than cricket and Bollywood.

Most likely to wear: Dhoti and kurta.

Most likely to do: Run the show and show Bigg Boss who the real boss is.

Most likely to be with: Hillary Clinton (“A for America, B for Bihar”), Mallika Sherawat (“hum ugly, tum pagli”), occasionally Mamata (he will see a bit of Rabri in her and call her Rosogolla).

Most likely to say: “Jab tak samosa mein hai aloo, tab tak ghar mein hai Lalu!”

Least likely to do: Take management tips from Tata.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about him: Boss

Most likely to last till: The final countdown. This game comes naturally to him and he usually wins when he plays.

MANDIRA BEDI

Why: World Cup is still some time away.

Most likely to wear: Spaghetti strap blouses and chiffon saris.

Most likely to do: Talk. Smile. Talk. Smile.

Most likely to be with: Navjot Sidhu and then Yuvi.

Most likely to say: “Jo jeetaaa wohiii…..”

Least likely to do: Be friends with Mallika.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about her: Fine leg.

Most likely to last till: Six weeks. She will be a house favourite.

RATAN TATA

Why: He needs a nano break.

Most likely to wear: Suits.

Most likely to do: Struggle to fit in and be desperate to opt out.

Most likely to be with: Hillary Clinton (when Lalu lets her go). They will often be dressed alike.

Least likely to say: “Mamata, despite Mamata, maya Mamata…”

Least likely to do: Have cha and bishkut with Mamata.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about him: Mamata.

Most likely to last till: Two weeks. Only because all housemates — apart from Mamata, of course — would be too scared to nominate him in the first.

MAMATA BANERJEE

Why: We need a break from her.

Most likely to wear: White saris.

Most likely to do: Play it smart by painting and penning poetry, flout the sleeping rules by snoring through the morning, use the house

cameras to keep in touch with her grassroots (trinamul).

Most likely to be with: Canvas and paper; occasionally with Lalu.

Most likely to say: “Roton-ey roton cheney…”

Least likely to do: Sell her paintings to Ratan Tata.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about her: Ratan.

Most likely to last for: Five weeks. She’s a khiladi.

HILLARY CLINTON

Why: She is out of the presidential race.

Most likely to wear: Suits or skirts (longer than Monica’s).

Most likely to do: Weigh her political options in India; this will be her dipstick survey.

Most likely to be with: Lalu Prasad and Ratan Tata.

Most likely to say: “Vote for Obama.”

Least likely to do: Smoke a cigar with Monica.

Codeword used by housemates to bitch about her: Mard.

Most likely to last for: Seven weeks.