I am a 15-year-old boy. I am very fond of this girl and often talk to her over phone. She used to talk to loads of boys over the phone . Now though, she has stopped talking to most of them. But the problem is, she has asked me to forget about our friendship. What should I do to make our relationship steady?

Satyam, Ranchi

Nothing you oaf. Either change your telephone instrument or start talking to someone else. What is with you people from Ranchi? Is intellect at such a premium there that you have to write in with the stupidest questions? And does all of Ranchi romance over the phone? Do you not hold hands and do the normal thing? Will someone tell my why Ranchi is as crazed as it is made out to be by its own citizens?

I am a 14-year-old girl. I am an average student. My parents and relatives are pressurising me to score well in my boards. Until then I have been barred from watching TV, going out, listening to music, surfing the Net or even read story books. I can’t possibly do better than I am doing now. How do I make my parents see that I cannot live upto their high expectations and do better than my cousins who excelled in school? I am extremely depressed. What should I do?.

Name and address withheld

Just do miserably. In fact, my suggestion is fail every exam: they will then realise what a colossal waste of time and money you are and then they’ll desperately look to getting you married. I just hope you are pretty. Because the Indian male will accept a pretty dumb babe quicker than an ugly duck. And I am not being a chauvinist: this is reality!

I am a 14-year-old girl. Recently I hooked up with a guy. He is the first man in my life and I can’t seem to get over him. I am unable to concentrate on my studies. Please help.

Priya Sarma, via e-mail

Nothing unusual. You will get over him when either you turn 16 or he finds someone better and even younger. This is the way of the world. I would urge you not to forget him. Worship this love that you think you’ve discovered. Every woman goes through this silly phase and then they wake up to the real world. You will too. But why disturb this moment now. So here…we are all happy for you and pray to God that your love remains pure and lasts. Happy?

I recently got married and moved in with my in-laws. They are great animal lovers. The house is full of pets — two dogs, a cat, three birds apart from the strays that keep strolling in freely for food. All this is getting a little too much for me. I like animals too but can’t handle the stench and mess they create. How can I cope up in this situation without offending my in-laws who are otherwise very kind and thoughtful?

Name and address withheld

Just invite Maneka Gandhi to your house: once you look at her, you will observe how quickly your in-laws get rid of all their pets. Look I am a dog-lover: so love me, love my dog. That is the equation you have to come to terms with and it is easier than getting into some silly confrontation with people as nice as your in-laws!