India produces an estimated 900 million litres of urine every day, of which an ample volume is piddled in public spaces — on walls, inside parks, besides rail tracks, and, sometimes, even on the back seat of cabs. Men mostly do the mischief, a popular, intricate ritual with its own rules. First, there is the selection of a place, followed by a flurry of movements — a quick trot, the slight parting of legs (or a squat), the unzipping of trousers or hitching up of clothing with lightning speed, and then the familiar gushing sound.

Women, given the skewed definition of shame in our culture, are not at liberty to partake of such rituals. They do so, only when they are left without choice, or toilets.

Not only are the men’s bladders seldom empty, but their movements are impeccably timed as well. I grew up in a house close to a cinema hall. Every day, without fail, at the sound of the intermission bell, a throng of hooting, shouting men would rush out with contorted faces and line up against the theatre’s wall.

Peeing in public is a great leveller, uniting kings and laymen. Legend has it that Ravana too had a problem with retention. Once, on his way back from Kailash, the ten-headed king stopped to pee, ignoring Shiva’s advice. The trickle soon turned into a flood, and a river was born. The river is still there, in Deoghar. Its water still bears a curious yellow tint.

Today, even the gods are not safe from the liquid assault. A neighbour had her boundary wall embellished with pictures of deities, in the hope of warding off serial sprayers. A few days later, on a quiet afternoon, she saw a man stop by her wall, urinate on a chosen goddess and walk away quietly. The poor goddess, too stunned to react, could not even close her mouth. She just stuck out her tongue in shame.

There are penalties for public defecation and urination. There is also the Employment of Manual Scavengers and Construction of Dry Latrines (Prohibition) Act, 1993, which forbids the employment of scavengers and the construction of dry latrines. Yet, according to a report, five years ago India had six lakh scavengers and 72 lakh dry latrines in 2,587 towns. Given the sheer volume, one doesn’t know if there can ever be an inventory of leaking Indian men.

So why is it that there is no stopping the men? Is it because of that lethal mix of apathy and ignorance regarding public hygiene? Or does it have to do something with sporadic awareness drives, few public toilets, and petty fines? Perhaps it has to do with a bit of both, as well as the fact that ours is a culture in which men need not commit nuisance behind the screen of privacy only.