Man: Single-tasks, grunts, screams out his achievements and doesn’t listen. (That’s only the stereotype.)

Woman: Multitasks; prefers keeping it subtle; preens; can’t read maps. (That’s only the stereotype.)

Mars:The Roman god of war, the fourth planet from the Sun, the place from where men are said to come. Also Martians. Or is it an unknown lady? Or is it Laden?

Venus: The Roman goddess of love, the second planet from the Sun, the place from where women are said to come. But Venetians are from Venice.

Yin: Principles of femaleness, the moon, completion, cold, darkness, material forms and submission, adding up to make one half of everything.

Yang: Principles of maleness, the sun, creation, heat, light, Heaven, dominance, and so on, adding up to make the other half of everything.

Black: A film by Sanjay Leela Bhansali.

White: A film by Krzysztof Kieslowski.

Sonia Gandhi: “Narendra Modi maut ka saudagar hai.”

Narendra Modi: “Isn’t it better to be at the mercy of God than be at the mercy of Sonia Gandhi?”

Shah Rukh Khan: “Amitabh Bachchan is like the sky for us. That’s why the colour of the (KBC) sets was blue. But main iss desh ka laal hoon, so it is red.”

Amitabh Bachchan: “I am old and Shah Rukh is young and I agree that he is smart and sexy. Let’s see what happens to him after 35 years.”

Ram: Good, divine, married to Sita, worshipped all over India, but not much in DMK country.

Ravana: Evil, human, kidnapped Sita, is worshipped in Tamil Nadu, burnt elsewhere.

David:Small, winner.

Goliath: Big, loser. Big loser.

Pandavas: Good, born of the seeds of gods, five in number, married to one woman, won the war and that’s what matters.

Kauravas: Bad, born of one giant egg, a hundred in number, didn’t have to share a wife, lost the war and that’s what matters.

Cat: The predator.

Mouse: The prey. (But not when attached to a computer.)

Jeeves: The predator. Also the gentleman’s personal gentleman, employed by Bertie Wooster. Can do, and does everything, fair and unfair, to stop Bertie from playing the banjolele. Created by P.G. Wodehouse.

Bertie: The prey. The gentleman of leisure, completely idle. Knows his spine is made of water. Does everything to resist Jeeves, but fails.

Love: Shakespeare’s sonnets to the young man.

Lust: Shakespeare’s sonnets to the dark lady? Actually, the two are a bit mixed up.

Gabbar: Would bellow, was sexy, wore a smart safari suit.

Thakur: Would murmur “kameeney”, was decent, was boring, had his hands tied to his sides throughout.

Tom: Is stupid.

Jerry: Is clever.

Hannibal Lecter: He ate people’s heads.

Clarice Starling: She captured his heart.

Cain: First son of Adam and Eve. A farmer. Kills brother Abel when God accepts Abel’s sacrifice and not Cain’s.

Abel: Second son of Adam and Eve. A shepherd. The first murder victim in Christian mythology.

Jacob: Another sibling rivalry from the Bible. Jacob tricked his twin Esau into selling him rights as first-born.

Esau: Vowed to kill Jacob. But Rebecca arranged for Jacob to live away from home for 20 years. Property leads to trouble.

Shiva: God, smokes grass, dances when angry and destroys the world, married to Kali, is the male principle.

Kali: Goddess, collects asura heads and wears them as a garland, goes on a killing rampage, but sticks out her tongue when she steps on her husband.

Batman: A superman who wears a bat’s mask. Good-looking when he takes it off.

Joker: His alter ego, but not good-looking. When he thinks the pen is mightier than the sword, he drives it into his enemy.

Superman: Wears a cape, his undies over his clothes, and is now wishy-washy.

Lex Luthor: Doesn’t wear a cape, or his undies over his clothes, is now not wishy-washy, is Kevin Spacey!

Sourav Ganguly: Comeback king. Now dropped from the ODI team.

Greg Chappell: Controversial coach. Now adviser to the Rajasthan Cricket Association. Which is better?

Harbhajan Singh: Indian spinner, says “monkey” or “maa ki”.

Andrew Symonds: Australian all-rounder, monkeys around in English.

Mulayam Singh Yadav: Banks on backward classes, Muslims and the Bachchans. Says: “Mayawati has lost her mental balance.”

Mayawati: Banks on the backward classes, Muslims and the Brahmins. Says: “Agar Mulayam Singh Yadav ne criminals ko bachane ki koshish ki to unko bhi nahin baksha jayega.”

Jayalalithaa: AIADMK chief. Fat, former movie star. Wears a cape. Arrested Karunanidhi, with whom she takes turns to be Tamil Nadu chief minister.

Karunanidhi: Currently chief minister. Used to write film scripts. Wears very dark glasses. Writes poetry. Has not arrested Jayalalithaa, yet.

Zinedine Zidane: French, heart-throb, sole drag, visionary. Headbutted Materazzi. Lost the Cup.

Marco Materazzi: Italian, not bad-looking, but which only became evident when he came into focus after being head-butted by Zidane. Won the Cup, lost everything else.

David Beckham: Model, sorry ace footballer, currently playing for Los Angeles Galaxy.

Alex Ferguson: Coach of Manchester United. Mentor-turned-monster. Fell out with Becks over commitment issues. Even kicked a football boot at the star, injuring him above the eye.

Hillary Clinton: A WOMAN Democrat US Presidential candidate. Says: “I think that I bring unique experience — 35 years of experience, including the eight years in the White House where I was actively involved in issues both here at home and around the world.” Sheds tears. But not supported by Oprah Winfrey.

Barack Obama: An AFRICAN-AMERICAN Democrat US Presidential candidate. Says: “If she (Hillary) wants to tout her experience by having visited countries, that’s fine.” But supported by Oprah Winfrey.

George W. Bush: So much has been said about his “Bushims”.

Osama bin Laden: Is still missing.

Tweety: The bird in the comic strip Tweety and Sylvester. Tweety is smart.

Sylvester: The cat, always after Tweety. Nasty and dumb.

Harry Potter: Good, boy, bespectacled.

Voldemort: Evil, man, bewitching.

John McEnroe: Hot-headed, volatile, champion.

Bjorn Borg: Cool, calm, champion.

Team India: Mind and body, heart and soul.

Team Australia: The new Pakistan.

Roger Federer: Probably the greatest tennis player ever.

Rafael Nadal: Federer’s killer on clay.

Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee: Writes plays. Speaks. Bungles.

Mamata Banerjee: Writes poetry and paints. Shouts. Bungles.

Fitzwilliam Darcy: Haughty. Rich. Ill-mannered. Male. Prejudice.

Elizabeth Bennet: Self-respecting. Not rich. Sarcastic. Female. Pride.

Betty: The sweet simple girl next door in love with Archie.

Veronica: The haughty, ostentatious rich girl who Archie is besotted by.

Dilton: The master of scientific experiments.

Moose: Can’t even add 2+2.

Harry: “What I’m saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.”

Sally: “That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.”

Harry: “You only think you do.”

Sally: “You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?”

Chalk: Chalk.

Cheese: Cheese.

Asterix: Small, wiry, intelligent, Gaulish, the hero of the comic series created by Goscinny and Uderzo. Leads perilous missions against the mighty Romans and wins.

Obelisk: Obelix is large, fat, stupid. A menhir delivery-man by trade, is addicted to wild boar, always ready to drop everything and go off on a new adventure with Asterix — so long as there’s wild boar to eat, and plenty of fighting. Ultimately is a great help.

Laurel: Like a straight line. First name Stanley. Stupid.

Hardy: Made up of circles. First name Oliver. Even more stupid. (Oh, why is the world so stacked up against fat?)

Chacha Chaudhury: The master, ordinary man as the Hindi comic superhero with the superlative brains.

Sabu: The giant who follows his master Chacha Chaudhury’s orders. If Chacha Chaudhury has wit, then Sabu is empowered with immense strength. Together they spell doom for villains.

Tintin: Brainy, little, a reporter-sleuth, owns Snowy, has no vice. At the most says “Holy cow!”

Captain Haddock: Explosive, bearded, a sailor, owns Marlinspike Hall, is prone to be drunk, and curses in alliterations that are legendary, like the famous “Billions of blistering blue barnacles”. Haddock is definitely more cute.